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Category: Eating Disorder

The Realization That This Is How It Is: Getting Jacked up #2

For those of you who stopped by yesterday, thank you. Yesterday’s post paints an image of how I am feeling, in a general sense, now in my life. Something I am very thankful for. I write posts like those to keep reminding myself what true health, happiness and nourishment means to me, especially maybe when those thoughts start to dwindle. Like… last week. Last week, guys, was brutal.   I got jacked up. Again.  &nbsp…

Feelings and Food: My Struggles With Intuitive Eating

Goodmorning friends,  I’m currently sitting at a McDonalds having an early morning breakfast and (decaf) coffee. I have an appointment with a dietician across the street, so I’m just having some sit down time before going in.  This dietician. I saw her for the first time about a month ago.  It wasn’t really something out of my choosing, but rather a request from the nurse I’ve been seeing.&nbsp…

How Hitting Rock Bottom May Be A Catalyst For Change

Yesterday (Tuesday)… was the worst. Like, one of those days that, as it is happening, you file into your top ten collection of worst days…ever.  I got on the wrong transit route not once, but twice. After having a driver miss my stop, then running four blocks, then having to take a taxi in a panic so I wouldn’t be late for an audition. Then riding the transit for two…

Falling In Love With the Beauty of Food: My “Edesia” Bowl (Recipe)

My Edesia Bowl is very special to me.  A warm, veggie filled bowl overflowing with taste and texture and chalk full of whole food nutrition. Gluten free. Vegan.      I don’t think I’ve ever talked about what started me on my road to recovery from an eating disorder.  It was actually, as anti-climatic as this sounds, falling in love with the beauty of food.  Growing up, I…

Current Thoughts On Food and Working Out

  So I started back to working out this week.  Well, ok, I was never completely not going to the gym.  I was still going, on occasion, over the last number of months, but my visits were so unfocused. Most of them were just walks on the treadmill or bikes on the stationary bike as a means to read my scripts or let my mind wander.  I would do some occasional all…

A Rant: Why Do I Feel Like I Eat More Than Anyone Else?

So I actually wrote this post over a month ago, and then chose not to post it. But over the past couple weeks, I’ve had a few experiences that brought me back to see what I had written.  Specifically – I was in the dressing room (oh the wonderful things you hear when you spend hours a day in a small dressing room filled with women looking at themselves in wall sized mirros).&nbsp…

Happy Valentine’s Day To Me (What I Ate Wednesday)

Will someone please just take these damn thoughts out of my head? Sorry guys. Sometimes to beat away thoughts, you’ve just got to get a little angry. Over the last couple days, I’ve been bombarded with an onslaught of food guilt. Calorie counting and spinning numbers are looping around and around in my head like – to actually use the saying in complete accordance – a broken record. A really annoying, lumpy, scratched…

Aiming for Fullness (What I Ate Wednesday)

Aiming for fullness. That is not something I’ve had on the agenda in the last number of years. Throughout my eating disorder I’ve been very against the feeling of being full. I’ve believed that feeling full automatically meant I would not be hungry for my next meal. And eating when I’m not hungry has been – and still is – a big challenge. I’ve had zero trust, even…

The Desire to Purge: The Costs of Being an Introvert and Super-Feeler

Over my holiday, I had so many wonderful days. I think as you saw in my posts during Christmas week,  especially this one, I embraced allowing myself to feel that full hearted, wonderful feeling of focusing on what is important – spending time with family, relaxing at home and listening to the quiet. That day, in particular, was oh so wonderful.  And thennnnn…… the next day happened.  I had something very interesting happen to me at…

Remembering What is Important and a Merry Christmas Eve

Hello dear friends It is afternoon here on Christmas Eve Day. My house is filled with a beautiful silence. I know it won’t last much longer,  as I anticipate the arrival of my two brothers and their partners (and their dog). I’m sitting here by my window ledge looking out at the snow, drinking a mug of hot coffee and snacking on a collection of chocolate edibles. I just finished up a…

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