I recently read this on an online recovery forum for addictions:
“You know that repetitive voice in the back of your mind that keeps telling you to “get on with it?” That is your intuition and I suggest you follow her… YOUR program—the one you put together for yourself by way of self-inquiry, mentorship, research, and courses—is now a combination of your own best practices. This “mecca” of yours, the place you long to visit, is your sanctuary of peace and power. Let me break this down… If your “program” is telling you to eat an avocado daily, drink more water, or wake up a bit earlier to get that walk in… DO IT. Do it from a place of Inspiration rather than motivation. Do not “will yourself” to take action… EMERGE. I’d love to know… what Inspires YOU to take that next step in Your Program?”
Through much work and exploring with my psychologist, I have recently become aware of my need for validation from others. I have always been extremely independent, strong and stubborn (growing with two older brothers could do that to you), so to have realized and now to admit this feels really quite embarrassing. I was so hesitant to even begin following a meal plan until I sensed validation – support, agreement, an urging – from others. I felt this need for those close to me to know that I was going to be following a meal plan, or else, what was the point? What would be the point of making such a step.. of gaining weight.. if no one else knew what I was doing?? If no one else would be there to support me and realize that this is something I need to do? If no one was going to be there to congradulate me?
I began to see this in other aspects of my life, too…this wanting others opinions before I made a decision. I used to find myself going to “google” (or other blogs) to ask questions … questions that, really, I already knew the answer to. Something in me needed someone else to tell me “what to do”. Is it that I didn’t trust myself? Was I scared of making my own decisions and then making a mistake? Do I want to be able to “blame” someone/something else for my short comings, or to be able to play the naive card so that I don’t have to own up to my decisions? I feel this need to hear the words from others saying that I should do something, or else it’s as if I won’t see it as necessary.
BUT THIS IS BOGUS. I believe, as a society, we are losing our ability to trust our own intuition. We are each brilliant and knowledgable and we all have that little itchy, scratchy, poking feeling in our gut that, if we get real quiet and actually listen to it, will tell us EXACTLY what we need to do. The answers are always inside of us. We are the ONLY ones who know what is best for us and what actions we need to take. Why do we feel this need for these answers to be validated by others? Why do we choose to listen to external sources… bowing down to THEIR words and opinions like they are the Queen of Shiva… whilst completely hushing that little voice inside us trying to speak up and say, “hey.. I uh.. I think I know.. I think.. please… listen to me…” WE DO NOT NEED GOOGLE TO TELL US WHAT WE SHOULD DO.
Relying on validation from others does not work in recovery. True recovery – from any disorder or addiction – requires you to want it for YOU. To make changes for YOU. To want to do this for your own happiness and health. Others can and will be there to support you and lend an open ear, but there is absolutely nothing others can do to will you to truly recover. Others will be there to bounce ideas off of, but they can never give you the answers. They will never fill that hole that is inside you that is longing for validation. You will forever be longing for more. The only way to fill that hole is to find, somewhere inside yourself, the will to do this for you and only you. What others think or say (or do not say) does not matter.
This is your life. No one else’s. So get real quiet and trust that beautiful intuition inside of you.
Easier said than done? Heck yes. It takes a constant, daily, conscious choice to NOT go running to Google.. or blogs…or peers.. and to rather just stop and ask yourself the truth. I am just beginning to find that compassion inside myself.. .that bravery to dislodge the thoughts and opinions of others… and to trust my own intuition and knowledge. To do what I, deep down, know I need to do for myself. If others don’t understand (and they probably won’t..)… that’ll just have to be okay now won’t it??
Oh my goodness this articles from Kaila says it ALL. Go check her out. Can I get an “ammmeennnn sista!”
Not a hugely exciting week. But I did get a few nice things…