A few weeks ago I was introduced to The Desire Map through Leah’s blog. I’ve found myself very intrigued by what Danielle LaPorte has written and would like to think out loud with you today. Thank you, Amanda.
With The Desire Map, Danielle presents the idea of asking ourselves, “How Do I Want To Feel?” when it comes to making our goals.
How do I want to feel? Seems like such a simple question. But you know? I don’t think I’ve ever actually sat down and really asked this of myself. Especially not when it comes to making goals.
When we make our goals, I think so very few of us ask ourselves WHY we actually want this to be our goal. Many of us create goals out of habit, a preconception about how we “should” be, because its what other people are doing, for an external feeling of success, or even to impress others. “I want to lose 10 pounds.” “I want to go to Harvard.” “I want to win “x” competition…” just being a few. But….WHY?
What if our goals were not being driven by our true desires?
The hope is that we create our goals with our core desires in mind. Core desires meaning those things we want in life deep down in our guts and not just for external image. The hope is that we want to challenge ourselves in ways that would make us feel that deep rooted feeling of happiness, confidence, self love, satisfaction – whatever it may be. Not for anyone else and not for any reasons that are driven by ego, self loathing or fear.
When we ask ourselves “how do I want to feel?” – in our LIVES – before we make each goal, then suddenly THAT dictates the goals we make for ourselves. It becomes a “sorting hat” that tells us if a goal we make is true to our inner core desires….or not.Asking How Do I Want to Feel becomes a sorting hat that tells us if our goal is right for us. #goals #health #happiness #intentions Click To Tweet
So, then I got asking.
I want to feel…
Accomplished – and satisfied with my productivity
Light – in spirit
Are the actions I’ve taken up until now… were the goals I’ve driven myself towards… all leading me to gain these feelings? Nope. I can confidently say, looking back, that a lot were not. I can see a lot of goals I’ve made where, if I had achieved them, I wouldn’t have gained any of these feelings I just listed. A lot were created out of what I thought was what I wanted and what I thought other people wanted of me.
And then I had a realization…
In the worst of my eating disorder, and even now when I notice those familiar urges returning, I see how all the actions I took truly came out of a desire… a longing… to feel a certain way. I knew I wasn’t feeling the way I wanted to feel, and so I looked externally for ways to make myself feel better. I just wanted to find something… anything…that worked. And worked fast.
At the beginning of my eating disorder, I remember feeling extremely
Scared… that no one was seeing me and that I was doing all the wrong things with my life
Frustrated….as to why no one was paying me attention
Unsatisfied with any achievements I did have….. it was never good enough
So what did I do about it? I made goals. Goals that I thought would give me these feelings that I listed above.
Bored? I challenged myself with restricting, planning and regimenting everything I ate. This made me feel challenged and accomplished.
Unfocused? I focused on creating weekly workout splits, planning out my workout schedule and made a goal to see muscle growth on my body. This made me feel focused and confident.
Unnoticed? I made a goal to be the smallest. This made me feel noticed and invigorated.
Scared and Sad? I found something that made these feelings go away. I learned I could turn my focus to planning my food or go workout and poof… those feelings were gone. It was magic. Glorious magic. This made me feel happy.Don't let the easy way out fix how you feel. Strive for what will make you feel it in your core. #health #addiction #copingmechanism #happiness Click To Tweet
See how easy that is!? See how EASY it is to latch on to something that can make us feel better immediately!? Why take any longer than we need to if we’ve found something that can change our feelings almost instantly?
Because it doesn’t last. Those changes of feeling are so. short. term. And then you’re back feeling those same crummy, awful feelings… the next day, the next week, the next hour.
I went about trying to make myself feel these things in the wrong way. I gravitated towards what would make me feel them externally, and quickly. Now? I want to feel these things in my core. In my career. In making a family. In growing old. In following my passion. Which is why when I feel a goal coming on, I now have some new questions I will be asking myself.
We all want to feel happy. We all want to feel successful. But sometimes what may make someone else happy and successful is not the same for us, and this requires us to really get intune with our own individual desires. When we make goals, I challenge you to ask yourself if you are wanting this “thing” for the right reasons. Will achieving this goal truly make you feel how you want? Or will it leave you still wanting more? That “more” may mean it never was going to give you what you wanted in the first place.How Do You Want To Feel? Let this guide you to your goals. #goals #happiness #desires #feelings Click To Tweet
How do you want to feel in your life? Have you ever wrote out the actual words?
What drives you to make goals for yourself?
Do you ever make goals without asking yourself WHY you actually want it!?
Hey friends! I don’t know if you read my post on Thursday, but…