Anyone know what I mean when I say a “low” that is also a “high?” I feel like during a time of recovery – which as I’ve said before is really a time of discovery – a lot of our “highs” and things that we know make us happy deep down may, in the moment, also feel like a low. I touched on it in this post where I mentioned that creating a life you don’t want to run away from – aka creating happiness for yourself – may actually take work and not feel so “happy” in the beginning.
I am recovering from an exercise addiction. It is not something I speak about on this blog. Or much of anywhere to be honest. I speak about my eating disorder, yes, but there is a block that is keeping me from speaking about the exercise component of my disorder. Which, if I am completely honest, is the greatest demon I am facing. Why do I not talk about it? 1) Because it is what I find most embarrassing 2) Because for some reason I feel like the “eating” part of eating disorders is more talked about and therefore a little more “accepted? understood?” and 3) Because it is more active and hidden than my restricting and I am finding it the hardest to let go of. One day, when I feel like I have come out the other side a little more, I hope to speak about this more.
I just wanted to premise the beginning of my post with this notion, because I feel like a couple of my “highs” from my week were also my “lows.” When you are recovering from an addiction, NOT going to your coping mechanism can fill you with a sense of compassion and freedom. You know that you listened to what you truly wanted (and not your disorder) and so this is a huge step toward that life you don’t want to run away from. However, as I mentioned, this can also fill you with just as much – if not more – sadness and grief as the positive emotions.
In any case, I am going to begin my second “Friday top 3” with these two “high” and “low” categories. This is Kate’s new link up and I think it is just so lovely. Run over to her blog to join in.
Top 3 Highs:
2. Physically pulling out my plays and carving out space – during this new found time before dinner at home – to do more research work for my script.
3. Sitting on my BFF’s deck for hours as the sun goes down talking and releasing and feeling so much better than I did that same morning.
Top 3 Lows:
Top 3 Eats:
I need to get spreadable cream cheese….
2. Baked Oatmeal. I’ve been craving baked oatmeal for over a week, but it was Heather’s food prep post that finally gave me the push to get. on. that. I made my favorite recipe which I learned from Kate herself (halving this recipe replacing the oil with an egg). I also followed Kate’s suggestions and broiled it WITH the peanut butter ontop – I’ve never had a mini convection oven before so this was my first opportunity to do so! AND, this was also my first time trying my recently acquired Barney Butter. Huge amounts of wins all around.
That drippy peanut butter thing?… On. Point.
3. Liberte Yogurt. The number of years I’ve spent not touching this stuff… well, what a shame. Not only is it freaking delicious, but its been the best thing (tied with ice cream) to go down with my current digestive discomforts. I will go through each and every one of the flavors this summer, thank you very much.
Top 3 Reads/Finds
Basically this article outlines everything I wanted to say, or missed saying, in my “Creating a Life You Don’t Want to Run Away From” post.
“…This lack of connection can come from many sources—like distracting ourselves with sex/drugs/alcohol, the busy-ness that comes with raising a family, feeling stuck in a dead-end job, or staying in an unsatisfying relationship…. But who you hang out with is less important than making a personal commitment to carve out regular chunks of time to spend with your true self…..I’ve made a commitment to myself to consistently carve out time to go “home” every day. This time is sacred, and I take it very seriously. This is a commitment I’ve made to nurture that part of me that is wild, instinctual, true, and strong. The great thing is that after I do these practices, I return to the world with renewed energy to go about my daily life.”
“It is impossible to find balance while wearing a façade. We all hide ourselves away in some fashion so as to protect our precious souls from the onslaught of the whip-fast whirlwind of the world. …..Deep down inside you crave intimacy yet you fear you are not wanted, your supple soul unworthy. You long to be soft, beautiful and complex. You wish so ardently to be held, caressed and told that everything will be okay. Hold on to that shred of truth. You are still human and there is time to rekindle your vulnerability.”
3. This. Via House Of Fifty Facebook Page
I will be away most of the weekend without time to blog, so I am thinking this post will also be standing in for my usual Week In Review. But I’ll be back on Monday to root the rest of you on in your weekly accomplishments.
Thanks for the link up, Kate and Meg!
Do you ever catch yourself martyring? Maybe in order to “be liked” or avoid conflict? It’s exhausting, isn’t it.
Do you ever experience a “high” that at the same time feels like a “low?”