As I mentioned on Monday, last week I attended a BodyTalk session. BodyTalk is basically impossible to explain and rather should just be experienced first hand – but in short, it works to balance out what the body may be currently holding onto or suppressing, and which – as a repercussion – is affecting our mental state. The body somehow sends messages, guiding the practitioner to areas where there is an imbalance, or where extra attention is needed. Its hippy dippy and you just need to choose to believe in it, if you want to believe it.
I’ve mentioned before my frequent discomfort in my stomach, solar plexus and chest. As I believe strongly in the mind-body connection, I wanted some help loosening the anxiety I have been unable to shake over the past few weeks, and hopefully as a result, loosen the tightness I’ve been feeling in these areas.
One thing that was brought to my attention during my session was the notion of “digestion.” As the practioner spoke, she made it clear that she was not alluding to digestion as it pertains to food. Rather, she was talking about our ability to digest certain emotions. Like people with celiac disease or IBS, for example, some bodies have difficulty digesting certain nutrients or food groups. As a result, they literally get lodged inside and create a whole lot of discomfort, and even illness.
So… maybe emotions can be the same way.
“Think about an unsettled stomach as the result of all the emotions your body is unable to digest or accept within. Anger and resentment can cause inflammation and pain in the body due to an inflexible way of being or holding on to something rather than to forgive and let go.” Source.
Sometimes if a certain emotion gets provoked, it comes in, but then literally gets stuck. Whether consciously or not, our body holds onto it and does not let it pass through. Maybe the mind says it is too hard to feel. Maybe it is connected to a difficult memory or traumatic experience and therefore the mind has placed “forbidden!!” warning signs all over our insides, putting an immediate halt on its journey. After time, this emotion that we are unable to, or not allowed to, release creates a big ol’ backup and a whole lot of distress.
At my session, my practitioner kept repeating the words, “disappointment,” and “resentment.”
She sensed a “difficulty digesting disappointment.”
She sensed a “holding onto resentment.”
Interestingly enough, she sensed a direct connection between these feelings and my career (yet she had no idea what my career was).
She asked if there was anyone I worked with that I was having “trouble being around.”
If you’ve been reading lately, you mayyyyyyy know that I’ve been turning myself into quite the ball of stress due to precisely this… my career. And the people involved in it.
Of course I feel disappointment. I’m disappointed that I didn’t become the star that I, and everyone else, expected I would be. I’m disappointed that I’m not yet where I thought I would be in life. I’m disappointed I got an eating disorder and took time away and am years behind most people my age. I’m disappointed that I’m not getting the outcomes I thought I would be as I come to graduation.
Of course I feel resentment. I am working along side a crew of actors that are loud, extroverted, opinionated… everything I am not. And yet I see them getting the attention. The attention I want. I feel resentful because I have a distaste for this type of energy and yet at the same time I’m jealous that I am not more like them. Every day I’m seeing them get auditions and jobs that I did not get and I often feel like I was just as, if not, more deserving. Blegh. How gross a thought is that.
Point is, as obvious as these feelings seem, I have never really admitted to them before. In all my awareness and self learning I have done over the last how many years, I have not once used the words “disappointed” and “resentment.”
As soon as these words were out… and this is going to sound crazy… its like I could literally feel something flushing through me.
Of course I feel these things.
And you know what, its okay. It makes sense.
But because I’ve been…
a) too scared to feel disappointment because it’s an extremely hard feeling to feel and I don’t want to feel that heavy sadness
b) have felt too guilty admitting to feeling resentment because feeling such a thing makes me a “bad” and “mean” person
….these feelings just get lodged inside me. They grow and bundle and make me an anxious, pent up, tense mess. Like a piece of gluten to someone with celiac disease.
I left my session not really having any idea if it “did” anything. There wasn’t any sort of “prescription,” or “closure” and not even an explanation of what I “should be feeling.” But what I do know is that when I got back on the streetcar a few minutes later… I started to feel lighter than I had in weeks. I even started to feel happy.
Since my appointment, it’s not like I havn’t felt disappointment or rejection. In fact, I’ve felt some very difficult emotions since. Perhaps something opened up in me that is now letting these hard feelings through. I don’t know. That’s up for personal belief. But just having someone bring these words to my attention was enough to make me aware that they live in me, that I can be compassionate towards myself for feeling them, and that I can consciously turn on my “digestion enzymes” so that they can break down, move through, and let me carry on with my life. It’s still bloody hard. But its starting to feel a bit less heavy.Digesting Emotions. What I learned from BodyTalk. #bodytalk #feelyourfeelings #mindbodyconnection… Click To Tweet
Linking up with Amanda for Thinking Out Loud.
Do you think there are any feelings or memories that you have trouble digesting?
My journey with hypothalamic amenorrhea continues. My journey recovering from an eating disorder……