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The Laments of a Highly Sensitive Person

Happy Sunday morning my doves,

A part of me feels like I want to apologize for my post on Thursday. I know that is also a silly thing to do but work with me. That was the type of thing I would usually write in my personal journal. That day, a bit of a straw broke. I was exhausted from shoveling stress onto myself – totally self perpetuated, yet seemingly impossible to stop.  This exhaustion though finally lead me to a shift. A letting go and giving up. I came home late that night, with zero intention of putting out a blog post, but had so much in me that I could not ignore the urge to write. Instead of pulling out my journal, I pulled up my blog, typed, and hit publish without a hint of an edit. And that’s that. 

Sometimes I think I am a bit over bearing. With everything going on in my head – the ups and downs, the contradictions – I feel like it may all be a little too much for the outside eye. I feel like there is often “no reason” for my deep thoughts and reactions. So a part of me does apologize, but a part of me also remembers that this is how I started the blog, and that as planned out, structured, compensated and organized as many blogs are, that is not always me. I just need to write. I have so many feelings, and I just want to get them out.  Of course it all may be extra amplified right now due to my sensitivity to the transition phase I am currently in. But whether I write in my personal journal or somewhere the world can see, it doesn’t so much matter. It’s for me and it’s out there somewhere. 

The ironic thing is, if we were acquaintances in person, you probably wouldn’t guess this is coming from me. I was actually told by my cast the other month that I’m the one who most “has it all together.” BAHA. 

I’m sensitive. I’m complicated. It’s a blessing and a curse. I do not have a high tolerance for stimulation and react on the inside in ways the world cannot see. Technology overstimulates me. I was most definitely NOT fabricated to thrive in this overly stimulated, screen here screen there, society (though, who was?).  I can only take 1/3 a cup of coffee. I can feel anxiety and sadness and unexplained voids of “weirdness” within hairs of each other. Maybe everyone does! But it feels like I notice them or at least make a point of them more than many others. My poor parents and my poor boyfriend for having to receive all the whacked out phone calls, texts and emails where I seemingly make no sense or delve into a deepness of life that may or may not even be valid. And you guys – for seeing this blog of a young woman who is kind of all over the place and writes way too many words about life and food and everything in between. 

I do swear though that in the midst of it all, I am very intelligent, put together, mature and wise. Its such a strange combination. 

I’m beyond thankful to have a mother and father who get that I have “things” going on they can’t always understand,  but as much as they show, never judge me. My father always knows exactly how to speak to me and makes me feel like my feelings are valid. And my mother is one of the wisest, compassionate and spiritually-healing people on this planet. She sends me resources for meditation and beautiful pieces of writing and is always able to instill peace in me once again. If you are ever interested, she does have a little blog where she posts brief reflections. I do not say this to promote, but just because they bring me peace and may do the same for you. 

It was Glennon Doyle Melton who first instilled the words, “showing up” in me. She reminds me that I am showing up, in all my messiness and sensitivities. I feel guilty 90% of the time, but at least I am not holding it in any more. When I do – illness occurs. 

I just… wanted to say that. I wanted to say I’m sorry for being up, down, right, left, crazy, messy, confusing and wild. But I’m also working on embracing my messyness. Maybe it isn’t coming coming across as blatantly as I feel it is and I’m just feeling guilty for no reason. But guilt is also a part of this damn sensitivity. To any other HSP (highly sensitive people) out there…. I embrace your crazy. 

highly sensitive person

Here are some resources I have found recently to help me with my anxiety and messy, confusing feelings. 

A meditation

A video on progression muscle relaxation

Self Compassion guided meditations

Guided audio exercises for ACT – Acceptance & Commitment Therapy

Marc & Angel Tips for Highly Sensitive People

As always, see my Inspiration and Resources page for more audios, books, podcasts and more

Tell me,

Do you ever feel like you are overbearing or “too much” to the people around you? 

12 COMMENTS

  1. Dee | 2nd Apr 17

    The reason I love your blog is because it speaks to me. Your words and experiences I can relate to as a “highly sensitive person”. I don’t think you need to apologize at all. Being Human and part of the human race is being imperfect and I don’t think ups and downs need to be hidden. I can’t speak for all of your readers, but I do know that I find courage, inspiration and relatability here that I don’t always feel out in the world. So keep it all coming Cora!

    • Cora | 2nd Apr 17

      Thank you, Dee. That’s honestly all I would want to have happen from my writing. The ability to relate and a sense of not being alone.

  2. Bess | 2nd Apr 17

    I’m also highly sensitive so I can totally relate. I find that sometimes I’m “too much” but many of my friends are also HSPs so they understand! Thanks for sharing! πŸ™‚

    • Cora | 2nd Apr 17

      It’s so important to surround yourself with people who – maybe can’t necessarily even “understand” – but they get you and accept you no matter what. Being able to share with other HSPs is especially soothing.

  3. Miss Polkadot | 2nd Apr 17

    First off: don’t be so hard on yourself. As a fellow sensitive person I can relate so well. Hence why I appreciate you finding the right words to express those occasionally messy thoughts going on in my head as well and sharing them with us. No need to apologise. Second: I had way too many thoughts on this, continued in your mail inbox. Happy Sunday, lady!

    • Cora | 2nd Apr 17

      Your email was so perfect. Thank you incredibly for taking that time. I will respond very soon <3

  4. Ellie Pell | 2nd Apr 17

    #dontapologize
    Ellie Pell recently posted…The Naked Prussian 50 (…er 40) MilerMy Profile

  5. Week In Review: Time to Slow Down, Rest, Restore | 2nd Apr 17

    […] I’ve already written a lot. I’ve written more about my craziness and up and down feelings in these past couple of weeks than I usually do, and I’ve already explained and even “apologized” for it yesterday.  […]

  6. Susie @ Suzlyfe | 3rd Apr 17

    Oh LORD chile. I hear you. One of the most beneficial and impressionable moments I have ever had was when I asked Alex if he… regretted? Was bothered by? Basically, why he “put up” with me and my depression, my baggage, all of the stuff that goes along with loving me. His answer? I don’t think about it that way. I feel badly that you feel that way, but I don’t see it as a burden.
    The people that love us love US–our passion, our sensitivity. They love us for everything that we are. They are sorry that we don’t feel well when we don’t feel well, but they don’t see it as a negative against us.
    If only we could have such compassion for ourselves.
    Susie @ Suzlyfe recently posted…Do I Even Remember How to Do This? (Shamrock, Social, Sun)My Profile

  7. chasetheredgrape | 3rd Apr 17

    Never ever apologise for being you on your blog. You needed to write that post for you and I’m so glad you did.

  8. Kristy from Southern In Law | 5th Apr 17

    Helllooo fellow sensitive person πŸ˜›

    I don’t know if I ever feel that I’m overbearing because I am constantly NOT doing things because I don’t want to feel that way… does that make sense? There are very very very few people I open up to. Everyone else gets the plastered on “Kristy sunshine” (as Jesse calls it) whilst I break apart at the seams inside.
    Kristy from Southern In Law recently posted…Recipe: Easy Gluten Free S’mores Brownie BarsMy Profile

  9. Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets | 7th Apr 17

    No apologies necessary. You do and be you, that’s what matters. Also, no one has it really together, not always, myself included. I happen to think you’re pretty fabulous just as you are, messy, yet put together and all.
    Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets recently posted…Week in Review: Vampire, Veggies and Videos (#77)My Profile

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