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Trials and Errors of Blogging (and life) - mylittletablespoon

Trials and Errors of Blogging (and life)

I initially wrote this post a few days ago and then struggled to decided when/if I would post it.  I am feeling more compassionate as I now return to my laptop and have decided to give it another chance. Welcome to my current blogging mind dump. 

I’ve been feeling really uncomfortable with my blogging. Its been creeping up over the last month, but really struck me hard last week. I published what, after the fact, felt like too many posts. Posts that felt shallow and inauthentic. I’ve been talking about myself  – which  I know is kind of the point and part of my personal work toward a greater self confidence  – but in ways that just haven’t felt good. I started to feel annoying – like I was bombarding readers with too much. Too many posts, too many pictures, too many words. I was feeling really embarrassed. 

I know there is a possibility that this is my inner bully telling me to be embarrassed of myself. This voice is notorious for telling me I’ve gotten out of control, that I am just making things up, being dramatic and asking for attention. I realize that my mental/emotional state is not great right now and so this could be part of what is going on – and that it is something I should be fighting against. But then, I really do feel like a large part of me hasn’t been authentic and has been doing things that are not true to who I am. So I’m not sure which way to go here. 

 

 

all I can do is be me Blogging Trial and Error

 

I’m trying to remember why I started blogging. The girl who wrote posts like this and this, when she had zero followers, now feels miles away from the one writing now. I began blogging because my journalling didn’t feel like enough any more. I wanted to share. I wanted to share my struggles, my journey, and help others through my own learnings. I wanted to be honest and authentic and challenge myself to believe that I, too, am worth other peoples’ time. I wanted to fight the voices telling me to be embarrassed and instead work to believe and feel proud of what I say, no matter the response (or lack there of) that I receive. 

I recently began to be absorbed with the notion of gaining followers and views and my thoughts have been blanketed with the ambition of wanting to monetize; to publish more recipes, focus more on food photography, contact companies to start doing product reviews, submit my photography and writing to online companies and journals. 

All this is fine. Do I enjoy taking photographs? Abso-fricken-lutely. Do I enjoy sharing recipes? Yes. Do I enjoy being a part of link ups, knowing that there is a community behind them that supports each other each week? I do. 

But I think I began to near a little line where link ups and recipe posts were becoming more about strategy rather than authentic enjoyment and truth.  It’s a lot like the career of acting – or any career for that matter. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the bells and whistles and glitz and lose the real reason you began it in the first place: For you and for your passion. 

I am trying to be compassionate and remember that with blogging (like everything in life) trial and error is inevitable.  I have tried different things – link ups, more posts, currently posts, recipes, informative posts (my favorite). Some feel good, some have not. Some have not felt authentic and just left me with icky feelings. But how would I have known this would happen without trying it?  I am still in my awkward pubescent phase of trial and error and am constantly making mistakes and learning.  I’m trying not to be embarrassed when I feel the errors. I need to just say… “Okay… that didn’t feel good. That wasn’t me. I don’t want to do that again…. “ and then learn and move on from there by trying something different. Constantly learning about yourself is a tooooough part of life.

We are forever in puberty. 

Really, this is just one big “thinking out loud” entry to help me sort out my thoughts and see why it is I feel I’ve gotten off track. And to decide how/if i want to change things. I just need to figure out what I truly enjoy and what feels good to me. I do like posting recipes. I do like photography. I sincerely would like to figure out how to monetize and partner up with companies. I would find this gratifying and purposeful… and fun.  As long as I felt like people knew the real me behind it all. I don’t want to lose that core part of me that was the reason I started my blog in the first place. I want to hold on to my craving to teach and support and inspire in new ways that are unique to me. And to be proud of that. 

Ironically, my favorite posts to write are the ones with the least views. Everyone loves those WIAWs…

It can be hard when you realize there are approximately 1019239034 women with blogs all with basically the same ambitions. It can be really easy for those bully voices to rear their ends in and laugh at you for wanting to be a part of the “in crowd.” It can be hard to stick to your own path rather than conforming to what you see everywhere around you. It can be hard to believe that you, too, have the right to be one of those voices. And that you, too, have something to offer. If they are all putting their voice out there, why in the world can’t you? 

This goes beyond blogging, too. This goes smack dab into the middle of my life and my career. I guess this is another way blogging is good practice for me. 

So – I’ve gotten a little off track. I started to feel out of control (internally) and thus I am now feeling embarrassed (internally). Lesson learned. I just need to return a little bit to where I used to be with my blog and figure it out from there.  Especially since over the summer months I will be returning to a more active recovery program. Either I choose to share more of this on here, or I save that for my journal and use this place as a fun outlet where I can forget some of my troubles. 

No I do not have a game plan. ‘Cause plans don’t work, remember??  Maybe I’ll post less, maybe I won’t. Maybe I will still go forth with cluttering my screen with ads and try to team up with companies. Maybe you’ll see more truthful, wordy, introspective posts like this one. Maybe this is all just a phase and product of my current state and I’m just word vomiting all over the place and will decide every thing is actually honky dory after all. We’ll have to see. My only goal moving forward is to make this place feel good to me.

In other, not so related news, I’ve been sent a few amazing articles and quotes this week that have helped shed some light in my days. 

Fear Blogging Trial and Error

From Elizabeth Gilbert’s Facebook Page. She is amazing. 

Blogging Trial and Error

Chris Guillebeau’s website and this specifically wonderful post

“…ask yourself these two questions at the start of the day: How are you feeling? What do you want? Throughout the day, whenever you have a choice of how to spend your time, think back on your answers.”

“Think of those times when you actively felt happy. Do more of them.”

Why do you blog?

Do you ever feel guilt or embarrassment for what you write?  

40 COMMENTS

  1. Stephanie Leduc | 14th Mar 16

    I blog because I wanted to share the knowledge I have gained in dietetics with anyone who wanted to listen, it proved to be harder then I thought, but I love it all the same. Weirdly enough, my Favorite posts seems to have the least amount of views too. I love wiaw but a lot of the time I feel as if people are commenting on my blog so I can go back and comment on theirs, which I totally get and I am excited to see other peoples posts, but I love the followers who value and read my posts because they genuinely want to! To me, I want my followers to genuinely like my blog, I’ve never pushed my friends to follow my blog because I didn’t want to have followers who weren’t actually following along. I get what you mean, it is so easy to get wrapped up in wanting more views, which is okay because it’s normal to want to expand your network! You’ve been honest these past couple of posts, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed by that. If it doesn’t feel right, then I get that, but as you said, its all a learning experience :).
    Stephanie Leduc recently posted…What I ate Wednesday: Am I Hungry or Bored?My Profile

    • Cora | 14th Mar 16

      Wow Steph – you really have a wonderful mentality when it comes to your blog and why you do it. I love that you care much more about having genuine followers, rather than just a larger number of “not really followers.” Knowing you have genuine followers who sincerely love your content – at the end of the day – is so much more gratifying than any “number” on a stats page. Although it can be easy to lose that focus, I think/hope we will always come back to realizing that what makes us feel good is what matters. Thank you for reading, for your input, and for being GENUINELY YOU with your blog. What you post is always unique, it is you, and that is why I love it.

  2. chasetheredgrape | 14th Mar 16

    I have been blogging over 3 years now and I only now feel like I am at a point where I am happy with my balance. I know I am finally doing what I want to write, rather than writing to gain specific stats etc… But it was a long road to get that balance.
    It really sucks when you feel like you have written an amazing piece of work and you put it out there in the world with such high hopes…. Only to get next to no response or readers… It still upsets me now. But as long as I know I am me through and through then I keep my head held high and realise it’s just part of my journey ๐Ÿ™‚
    chasetheredgrape recently posted…Friday Favourites – March 11My Profile

    • Cora | 14th Mar 16

      This helped me so much to hear about your three year journey to finally find the balance. That really is the word for it isn’t it? Balance. A balance of business and personal gratification. But yes – as long as whatever you do is truly “you,” then everything else doesn’t really matter. Wow, thank you Jenn for sharing your experience with me. This really helped.

  3. SuzLyfe | 14th Mar 16

    Cora, I think this is totally natural. When I started blogging, it was to get my story out there and also to reclaim a piece of myself. Glimpses of my blog’s potential got me wanting more, and I made strides to grow as a blogger and a writer. Then I realized the need to settle back down. I have gone through these periods several times since then, and I think that they are NECESSARY parts of being a blogger, writer, and a person. We need to challenge our notions of what we want from time to time to really figure that out for ourselves. You didn’t get out of hand (not from this perspective), but now you get to decide how you want to move forward. This is a moment to recapture what you want, and recommit.
    SuzLyfe recently posted…Recharging For a New Week (Weekend Recap)My Profile

    • Cora | 14th Mar 16

      This. Helped. Me. Soooo. Much.
      Gosh Suz you always say things so perfectly. You always put my exact thoughts into real words that I can actually make sense of – which I can’t always do myself.
      The need to “settle back down,” I think words it perfectly. That glimpse of potential and ambition can really take off on you in record speed and fog your vision – which is what happened with me. But you are right – this is a time where I simply need to make a decision, recapture, and recommit.
      THANK YOU <3

  4. Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets | 14th Mar 16

    I feel like once you stop blogging for you and start blogging solely for the readers, you’ll lose the love behind it. It’s hard to find a balance between blogging as a business and blogging as a creative outlet. Keep doing you and writing the posts which make YOU feel good and the rest will fall into place. It’ll likely take time, which honestly I find is a good thing. Tackling everything all at once can be too overwhelming. I like to learn progressively and stay as true to myself as possible. Just keep doing you while being supportive of you and I’m certain you’ll figure it. I’m always here too if you have any questions, doubts, etc. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Cora | 14th Mar 16

      Yup. I can already see that in my short time. That loss of love when you start blogging for readers is immediate. But finding that balance.. ugh.. that’s the tricky part.
      This is the best advice I could ask for. Especially the reminder that it will take time – and that this IS a good thing. I think I was starting to try to do everything all at once – hence feeling out of control. I see your blog as major motivation for this. You have somehow always been so true to yourself, always doing your own thing and being your (hella cool) self, and because of that, I’d say you’ve fostered a very genuine, loyal and loving following. No doubt it took time – but seeing how you just continued to be yourself and got to where you are now is pure proof to just “do you.” Thank you <3

  5. Kate | 14th Mar 16

    Wow! We really were on the same wavelength today. It is such an awkward place between ‘this is the real me’ vs ‘this the side of me I think people will enjoy the most. ‘
    I’m at a place right now where I think my blog represents me in the truest form, but I am scared that people won’t enjoy or like that. I did veer off a little bit to the land of writing for others a few months ago and I just had to stop joining so many link-ups. They felt forced. I try to get behind my computer and just type without thinking too much. As much I’d like to gain more readers, I just don’t know if I have it in me to paint myself too differently than I already am. I don’t think I’d last very long.
    I truly enjoy reading your blog and consider myself a true follower/friend. I haven’t noticed too much of a shift in your blogging, so don’t feel like what you’re feeling is glaringly obvious. It’s mostly just your brain working overtime. Just know that we love you for you. I hope that helps some!
    Kate recently posted…Self-promotionMy Profile

    • Cora | 14th Mar 16

      I think that’s the illusion we fall under though – the thought that we need to “paint ourselves different” in order to gain more followers. I think many blogs have proven that this doesn’t need to happen – we just need to trust it! We need to trust that we are enough. The alternative? We fall out of love with something we once enjoyed.
      From what I see, you do represent yourself genuinely, and that IS what people enjoy. I know that’s what brings me to you – and the other blogs I follow – that sense that I am getting to know the real person. Like Meg said, maybe “growth” will take time.. but at least we’ll be enjoying ourselves more so through it. And plus, keeping closer ties with a smaller number rather than shallow ties with a larger number is way more gratifying – as I am learning.
      Thanks Kate. Your words really mean a lot. And I shoot them right up and back to you… with shiny streamers following behind.

  6. Aubrey @ Clusterforked | 14th Mar 16

    I totally feel you! Like most people I began blogging as a way to be more reflective and intentional in my everyday life and occasionally I have to check myself because I start focusing on stats, which is really not the point. I have written a few clumsy and frankly redundant posts but it’s a learning process. I have only recently found your blog and having read some of your older posts I’d say I enjoy your newer posts as much if not more. Your blog is your space and reading through it, it certainly feels authentic and intentional. Keep on keeping on ๐Ÿ™‚
    Aubrey @ Clusterforked recently posted…Link Love March 12th 2016My Profile

    • Cora | 14th Mar 16

      It’s amazing how quickly “stats” can become something we care about. It helps to know someone else feels as if they’ve written some “clumsy and redundant” posts. I’m trying to remind myself than no one else in the world notices – or cares – but me. And that yes, this is a learning curve and in order to learn, we will do things that maybe we would have done differently later on. Thank you Aubrey – for your input and support!

  7. Sarah @ Bucket List Tummy | 14th Mar 16

    I think one of the best parts of your blog is that I feel like we are talking and having a conversation when I’m reading what you write. I totally relate to everything you’re saying here – blogging is great for getting our thoughts on paper, relating to others over situations, and joining a community, but on the other hand, there are so many other more negative aspects to it – competition, comparison, guilt, endless questions. I’ve just recently started trying to work with companies and monetizing my blog and I question it all the time if it’s the right thing to do – but eventually I want to grow my blog into a nutrition resource and do counseling, so I would have to spread the word to attract new clients. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to this madness – people who truly and genuinely enjoy your blog will always be here to read and support you. You put out genuine, heartfelt content and there’s always something I can relate to or want to comment on in each of your posts. Have a great week, Cora!
    Sarah @ Bucket List Tummy recently posted…A Little Bit of Meal Prep Goes a Long Way + Weekend RecapMy Profile

    • Cora | 14th Mar 16

      Thank you Sarah. You are so kind – and I really really appreciate each word.
      You are right – it is a bit of a madness and like many parts of life and careers, it can get overwhelming. With you (and others in the same business), because you have your registration and are in a career path that may/must foster a great deal of freelance and private work – it makes complete sense to create your blog into your business. That’s what us readers want as well – reliable, trained people to share their knowledge. And you should be rewarded for this. Now that I’m getting so much inspiration from all of you, I really believe there is a way to turn your blog more “business-y” while still being true to you and feeling authentic. I already know from following your blog that you will continue to do this.

  8. Juli@1000lovelythings | 14th Mar 16

    I think it’s normal to fall in this trap of ‘playing the blogging game’ when you’re new to it. You try to learn the ropes and everything is overwhelming. When I first started blogging I tried to follow all the rules, wrote specific posts in a specific tone, contributed to all the link-ups and read all the blogs everyone else seemed to read. But it wasn’t for me and I needed to stop. It took me long and a lot of trial and error to feel really happy with my blog. For me this means no pressure, no expectations, not playing games, no comparing, not checking stats, no business… I just want to be me and interact with people I feel a connection with. But that’s just me and for you it’s only up to you to assess what blogging happiness means for you.

    I think you already know which posts you like to write and which feel forced. You know why you started and what a great feeling that was. I think for finding your balance it’s crucial not to write for an audience because you will never live up to what every single person of your audience wants to read. These are the thoughts that lead to being not authentic. When you write for yourself that’s enough. And that will be authentic!

    Sorry for the lengthy comment, it kinda hit home today. Btw I think you’re doing a great job and I really enjoy reading your blog.
    Juli@1000lovelythings recently posted…Week in Review โ€“ The Foodie EditionMy Profile

    • Cora | 14th Mar 16

      Julie you are so freaking wise.
      You’ve worded it perfectly – it totally is a “game.” Thank you so much for sharing your past experience. I see what you just explained as being my current situation exactly. I really value your mindset with how you want your blogging to be a part of your life (and also value your blog). I’d like to foster the same one.
      Trying to live up to every single person’s preference is IMPOSSIBLE. I’ve tried. Its only made me anxious and nervous and, well, has lead to posts like this.
      Please don’t apologize. You have an incredible way with words and always manage to put my own thoughts into much greater clarity than I could. Thank you. So much.

  9. Heather@hungryforbalance | 14th Mar 16

    AMEN!!! You and Kate have hit the nail on the head today! I wanted to start a blog for the same reasons you said, to share my journey and struggle, to share recipes, and to have a journal of sorts of whereby life is right now. If I made a little money in the process, so much the better.
    I haven’t felt much like blogging lately because of some difficult and painful things going on in my life right now. It just feel disingenuous to blog about silly things, like what I ate yesterday. I’m having a hard time trying to figure out where to go next with it.
    Thank you for sharing this and please know that whatever you choose to post, whenever you choose to post it, I will be here waiting to read it.
    Heather@hungryforbalance recently posted…Friday Favorites #42: Weekly ReadsMy Profile

    • Cora | 14th Mar 16

      Yep – I understand completely. Another reason I’ve been feeling so uncomfortable with my blogging is that I’ve also been having a tough time, but – unlike you – I have continued to blog through it with frivolous things. This weekend I just got to the point where doing any more of that felt completely disingenuous and was completely invalidating my current emotions. I just did not want to put up a front. Nor did I want to be a “dark cloud.” So I also didn’t know what to do.
      That’s all to say – I think you are doing the right thing. There really isn’t a point to force yourself to write unless you really think it will help you. You – and your feelings – do not deserve to feel invalidated.
      I’m thinking of you Heather. I hope that through whatever is happening in your life, there are some moments of lightness. Whenever you choose to return to your blog, we will be there.

  10. snackiebird | 14th Mar 16

    I start blog like part of my recovery. And now I blog for helping other people, telling about healthy life – physically and mentally. Blogging is hard sometimes, especially because in Russia we don`t have such strong community like Americans bloggers. But I try as hard as I can. I love to find new awesome blog and then I find your blog I know that I will love it!

    • Cora | 14th Mar 16

      That’s the beauty of blogging though – it transcends oceans!! We can support each other no matter the country :). Thank you darling – I really appreciate your words.

  11. Miss Polkadot | 14th Mar 16

    Even in your state of insecurity about where you are and where to go from here youโ€™re finding just the right words. As my recent blogging for yourself post might have given away I used to โ€“ occasionally still โ€“ find myself torn there, too. Itโ€™s easy and human, I think, to get a rush from seeing one of your posts โ€“ say a recipe โ€“ take off and want more of that. Just check in with yourself at times and figure out if what you write still feels authentic. If it doesnโ€™t: change direction. As often as you want to. Readers who stop by your blog to see YOU will stay. I do and I will :).
    About feeling like you wrote too much/too often/too whatever: Itโ€™s okay. I feel the same way about my older posts but have decided to keep them up to be able to look back and remind myself of my learning curve. We grow through and with our blogs which I personally find fascinating albeit maybe a little embarrassing to look back on occasionally. We evolve, our blogs evolve. Like you said: trial and error. Like in everyday life, too.
    Miss Polkadot recently posted…Week in review: Out with the procrastination.My Profile

    • Cora | 15th Mar 16

      Its amazing that rush you can get from the stats. Like a little drug. Which is why, as you say, it is extra important to continually check in with yourself from time to time to see how its truly making you feel. Thank you for your compassion words about old posts. You are right. It is important to keep these things as a reminder of how we are constantly learning and changing – and that this is normal and okay! If we didn’t evolve.. I suppose life would be pretty bland.

  12. Arman @ thebigmansworld | 14th Mar 16

    I love this post, Cora- It’s something I can and still relate to on many levels. I feel like I have 1000+1 things to say but I guess the biggest piece of advice or personal experience is- Don’t feel like you need to be a sheep to gain followers, an audience or blog for the numbers. Similar to what Juli said, there are thousands of blogs which give you tips, tricks etc to be a better blogger and honestly, it just becomes cookie cutter. Post content YOU enjoy, YOU feel comfortable with and YOU are passionate about. It shines through and only reiterates your authenticity.
    Arman @ thebigmansworld recently posted…Healthy Paleo Cookie Dough Sandwich CookiesMy Profile

    • Cora | 15th Mar 16

      Cookie Cutter. That is exactly where I began to see myself going. And that is exactly what made me feel uncomfortable. You are right – its not worth it – not if it is going to make you feel weird or untruthful. Thank you so much Arman – your expertise and wisdom and support is extremely valued!

  13. gracefulcoffee | 14th Mar 16

    You’re amazing, Cora! I love reading your blog because of honest, sincere posts like this. I blog because I love writing and people. Hopefully I can inspire just one person with my writing ๐Ÿ™‚

    Blessings,
    Edye // Gracefulcoffee
    gracefulcoffee recently posted…Five Things SurveyMy Profile

    • Cora | 15th Mar 16

      Writing and people are both beautiful things. And I know you have already inspired more than one person with your writing. This is the real reason to do it. Thank you so much <3

  14. Lyss | 15th Mar 16

    Great post Cora. I can relate to this completely too. I blog because I love to write and I want to share my story with others in hopes of inspiring or helping just one soul out there. Sometimes I get caught up in how many followers I have, then I realize the true reason behind why I’m blogging and that is because I simply love to write and I love to share my experiences with others. ๐Ÿ™‚ xoxo
    Lyss recently posted…Mental Health Monday 3/14/16-Bikini SeasonMy Profile

    • Cora | 15th Mar 16

      Its so important to keep reminding ourselves that we do this in order to help and inspire others (as well as because we simply love to write ). Damn stats and numbers. They really shouldn’t have any power over us. Thank you Lyss!

  15. Ellie | 15th Mar 16

    I love what you write Cora, no matter how big you get, I’ll read everything ๐Ÿ™‚ I think one of the reasons I hesitate to get more invested in my blog is that I don’t want to make it about gaining followers or feeling I have to post. I blog for me. That’s it. You do you girl ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ll always read <3
    Ellie recently posted…Week In Review: Finally met Mishka and made Waffles!My Profile

    • Cora | 15th Mar 16

      As long as you are wary of this before making the transition, I think it is still a very safe and positive thing to do. You already have a clear sense of what your blog is, and such a clear sense of you (as I perceive it), with a clear head on your shoulders, so I know you would continue to be your authentic self even through the pull of stat/follow obsession. Yes – let us continue to do US. I wouldn’t like you so much if you wrote as someone else ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. rachel @ athletic avocado | 15th Mar 16

    I think everyone feels like this from time to time! Too often we forget why we started in the first place. It’s always nice to be reminded of that!
    rachel @ athletic avocado recently posted…Healthy Banana Split Breakfast Cookies {GF + Vegan Option}My Profile

    • Cora | 15th Mar 16

      Nice – and necessary! It can be very easy to forget these things.

  17. Joyce @ The Hungry Caterpillar | 15th Mar 16

    Wow, Cora. I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so discouraged. I think it’s awesome that you’re working so hard to promote your blog, but doing so in a way that feels genuine can also be a struggle. WIAW posts get a lot of attention, and they’re fun, but I agree with you: they’re not where I feel like I’m doing my really important blogging work either.
    Here’s why I read your blog. It’s:
    brave
    wise
    interesting
    honest
    quirky
    hopeful
    the photos are great
    and it encourages those of us who are struggling, too
    But that’s just me. : )
    Hope you’re able to find a good balance!
    Joyce @ The Hungry Caterpillar recently posted…Week in Review: I Made It to Spring Break!My Profile

    • Cora | 15th Mar 16

      Oh I wouldn’t say “discouraged.” More just like… unsure. There’s got to be a way to promote and yet still feel genuine… I’m just needing to find that balance a bit better. We really should do the blogging that feels the most important and gratifying to us. But if we don’t.. its all just a lesson learned.
      Thank you so much… you’ve got me blushing. I really appreciate the kind words – and shoot them right back at you!! <3

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  21. masala girl | 5th Apr 16

    <3
    remember to always blog for you. my blog is small, but i've been publishing for a few years. i want it to be bigger, but i want that, not just because its a competition or anything, so i'm trying to learn and get better. but not every post is top notch, because my focus is school.
    go back to blogging for you. remember why you did it, i love all of your posts. don't beat yourself up, take your time to find your way to it <#

    • Cora | 6th Apr 16

      This is wonderful – thank you so much. “But I want that” – I need to remember to decipher between things I truly want and the things I’m just putting pressure on myself to do that I “think” I want. My focus isn’t the blog either, so I need to remember its here for my own creative outlet and the wonderful connection. It definitely is taking lots of time to sort it all out, but I’m starting to feel much more comfortable now that I’m remembering why I’m here ๐Ÿ™‚ <3

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