I feel like I may need to rename my blog, “The diary of a struggling actor going after her dreams.”
As I now transition away from training mode – which is the only phase you all have ever known me – into the real world, my life is going to revolve around auditions, hope, prep, rejections, auditions, hope, prep, rejections. This blog of mine may very well serve to document the life of an actor going after her dream and all the friggen hard pitfalls it entails. A little inside look at the unglamorous life. A place for my own confidence boosting, if anything else.
Today I met with an agent. A reputable agent who had seen me perform in my last show. I had talked to her after the show and our conversation was great. She was lovely, she was impressed, she said she’d have me into her office to chat more. So that chat came today.
I was feeling hopeful and positive about what could arise from this meeting.
She said everything you would want to hear…
“You are definitely ready.”
“You have all the skills.”
“You’d do very well with an agent.”
“You have the right look for what is shooting here!” (meaning television series etc.)
And then it came…
“Unfortunately we already have someone that looks exactly like you.”
Bam. My freaking curse in this damn industry.
she even said.
“We would be sending you two out for the same roles and you just can’t have that kind of competition in an agency.”
It makes perfect sense, don’t get me wrong. She’s right – you can’t. And she was very, very kind.
But what killed me most, I think, is when she said,
“You shouldn’t have any trouble getting an agent!”
I have submitted myself to probably 20 agencies in the last couple months and I have heard back from 2.
Shouldn’t have any trouble? Stab.
I’m talented. I’m mature and skilled and very proficient at my craft. More than a lot of actors out there… I know. But without an agent I can’t get into those audition rooms to even be SEEN. And yet I can’t get an agent because ‘image’ trumps talent. I need someone to give me a chance. I know I have so much more to offer than what my picture shows.
I was upset. I felt defeated and hopeless. “My one chance at getting an agent before graduation…” I thought. “You shouldn’t have any problems getting an agent,” I repeated as I recalled the mounds of sent emails in my outbox that remain entirely unanswered.
But then I got fierce.
I got strong.
I got determined.
I told myself this is only going to make me work harder. This is going to make me MORE determined. I am going to keep fighting and one day I will prove to someone how badly they should take me on. One day when I make it I will look back and remember all this shit I went through to get there. And I will be proud.
I went home and submitted to auditions. I pulled out some old monologues to get working on. I made a to do list focusing on ways to keep my drive and practice alive and made a new determination to make this a part of my every day. I will send out another batch of agency follow up emails next week for my upcoming show.
….I also may have listened to some Destiny Child’s “Survivor” a few times….
If I could choose another profession knowing it could make me happy…. I would. It hurts to be this passionate about something. But its everything I have and everything I want. So I will use this to just fight harder.Perseverance: The Diary of an Actor Going After Her Dream #perseverance #dreams #goals… Click To Tweet
When have you had to persevere?