The other week I finished reading, “The Law of Attraction,” by Michael Losier. The Law of Attraction is not an entirely un-heard of concept these days, and this is definitely not the only book or person writing about its theories. It was however, the first time I had read into the details about this way of aiming for success and happiness in ones life.
In short, the Law of Attraction believes that we are responsible for bringing both positive and negative influences into our lives. Its notion is that where you place your focus can have an intense impact on what happens to you. Basically, it is a belief that if you choose to put the right energies out into the world, you can shape your life to get what you want.
When I started to think about the exercises laid out in the book, I was wanting to focus on my career: to learn how to cultivate a more positive/optimistic energy to – hopefully – receive those positive energies back and get the success I want. To achieve my dream. But when I sat down to start my first bit of writing, it was clear that I needed to explore my readiness for Hypothalamic Amenorrhea recovery instead.
As you know from my last post, this topic is very prominent in my thoughts right now and continues to be where my focus lies. I wanted to see what would happen if I tried the The Law of Attraction out on recovery. With just beginning, I’ve discovered quite a bit, including something that I did not anticipate.
The first step which Losier outlines is to find your desire. To be clear about what you want. Because how can you send out the right signals to the universe if your desire is wish-washy? He makes a very good point that for many of us, it is far easier to know what we don’t want, and a lot harder to figure out what we do want. Therefore, he suggests the best way to do this is to work with contrasts. To write out a list with two columns: one side labeled “Things I Don’t Like,” the other labeled “Things I like.” For each thing in your chosen focus (be it in relationships, career, health, money) that you do not like, you are then to write its opposite: the thing in direct contrast that you hope/dream/desire to feel or see for yourself.
I don’t think it was a direct suggestion, but I found that the way I worded these things made a really big difference. When I would write, “Things I don’t like…. feeling scared of looking too thin,” for example, it held a lot less power than when I wrote, “Things I don’t like…..I feel scared that I look too thin.” It also felt a lot harder. Because its visceral. Writing in present, feeling tense, makes it real and vulnerable. Embarrassing, yes. But ultimately I think that’s the work.
I’m taking a leap here and sharing with you some of the table I made out. Not all of it, because it was long, but some of the things that jumped out at me most.
THINGS I DON’T LIKE
|THINGS I LIKE|
I am always thinking of/worried about how I appear to others; mind-reading
|My thoughts are filled with
creativity, excitement and confidence
I feel scared that I look
|I know I am worthy of being
hired by Stratford and that I belong there
|I feel like a fraud||
People know; I am open with others and feel proud and confident about what I am doing
|I feel like I have secrets||I know I am doing nothing wrong|
|I am scared that when I
book a gig, they won’t be
able to find clothes that fit
|I know I am an average size that is easy to fit; my size is not a point of focus or surprise|
I have a calorie count I
I feel nourished and strong at the thought of giving my body more
|I feel scared to gain weight||I feel strong and confident in my body, knowing I’m doing what’s right|
Using The Law Of Attraction to find my desire #hypothalamicamenorrhea #recovery #desire #lawofattraction Click To Tweet
I put the points that struck me the most in bold.
From these points, I was able to feel what my strongest desires are:
I no longer have fear about my size
I feel proud and confident about what I am doing
The first one… at least has a tangible route. I gain weight. The physical change gives my mind peace so that I have something solid to battle against the mind reading and enable me to feel more confident in my career. But the second one begged a question ….how do I get there??
What REALLY struck me as I wrote this list, was the amount of times I wrote fear.
It struck me that all the things I don’t like revolved around how I felt scared, and that all this fear had to do with things that I keep to myself; things that are simply in my thoughts. Mind reading what others are thinking. Fear of what people don’t know. And as a result, fear of feeling like a fraud.
Where does shame live?
Shame lives in secrecy.
“If you stay quiet, you stay in a lot of self-judgment.”
When I wrote, “I am open with others”… it automatically lead me to then write, “I feel strong, confident and proud of what I am doing.”
TELLING OTHERS = releases shame.
The thought of being more open – to others as well as myself – about “being in” Hypothalamic Amenorrhea recovery suddenly released SO MUCH WEIGHT. Just thinking about it made me feel lighter.
In all these years, I’ve remained very secretive about my past as well as what I’ve continued to battle. No, not to you guys, but that’s why I started this blog in the first place. As a place for me TO start to talk about it. To be more open and honest, with someone, other than my therapists. I’m not even completely honest with my best of friends. THIS is what leads me to feel like a fraud. This is what makes me feel like I’m living one life on the outside and a completely different one on the inside.
Trying to eat more…gain weight… rest more… quit smoking…. stop drinking…..whatever it may be in secret equals a feeling that you are doing something wrong.
So….. what’s the big deal!?
Why aren’t I more open about what I’m doing?
No, I’m not saying I’m going to cut and paste a sparkly sign to hang around my neck saying, “Ehhh! I’m in HA recovery!” I just mean, why aren’t I bit more open about it? If the moment comes up or the opportunity arises with my close friends or family, why don’t I talk about it? Speaking it out loud lessens its weight. It kind of… makes it no big deal. Ya know?
“I am eating more to gain weight in order to heal from hypothalamic amenorrhea and get my period back.”
….doesn’t seem like as big a deal when said out loud, does it??
Not keeping secrets… not feeling like I am living a life on the inside all by myself… releases the feeling that I am doing something wrong. Releasing this feeling then enables me to reach my desire…
To feel strong, confident and proud of what I am doing.
This, this may just have the power to release the block that has been holding me back. Releasing shame = releases the block.
This was just the first step in working with The Law Of Attraction. I hope to share more about the next exercises and what I take from them as I go. It will be interesting to see how The Law Of Attraction helps me in recovery. My career would have been a lot more straight forward of a choice…… haha.
Linking up with Amanda for Thinking Out Loud.Shame lives in secrecy. Can being more open have the ability to release the blocks holding us back?? #shame #recovery #hypothalamicamenorrhea #harecovery Click To Tweet
Have you ever heard of/used The Law of Attraction?
Has there ever been something you kept secret, which – as a result – held you back??
I am 200% not a relationship expert. Let’s get that out right now…