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The Law of Attraction: Finding My Desire For Hypothalamic Amennorhea

The Law of Attraction: Finding My Desire For Hypothalamic Amennorhea Recovery

The other week I finished reading, “The Law of Attraction,” by Michael Losier. The Law of Attraction is not an entirely un-heard of concept these days, and this is definitely not the only book or person writing about its theories. It was however, the first time I had read into the details about this way of aiming for success and happiness in ones life. 

In short, the Law of Attraction believes that we are responsible for bringing both positive and negative influences into our lives. Its notion is that where you place your focus can have an intense impact on what happens to you. Basically, it is a belief that if you choose to put the right energies out into the world, you can shape your life to get what you want. 

Law of Attraction Hypothalamic Amenorrhea

When I started to think about the exercises laid out in the book, I was wanting to focus on my career:  to learn how to cultivate a more positive/optimistic energy to – hopefully – receive those positive energies back and get the success I want. To achieve my dream. But when I sat down to start my first bit of writing, it was clear that I needed to explore my readiness for Hypothalamic Amenorrhea recovery instead. 

As you know from my last post, this topic is very prominent in my thoughts right now and continues to be where my focus lies. I wanted to see what would happen if I tried the The Law of Attraction out on recovery. With just beginning, I’ve discovered quite a bit, including something that I did not anticipate. 

Law of Attraction Hypothalamic Amenorrhea

The first step which Losier outlines is to find your desire. To be clear about what you want. Because how can you send out the right signals to the universe if your desire is wish-washy? He makes a very good point that for many of us, it is far easier to know what we don’t want, and a lot harder to figure out what we do want. Therefore, he suggests the best way to do this is to work with contrasts. To write out a list with two columns: one side labeled “Things I Don’t Like,” the other labeled “Things I like.” For each thing in your chosen focus (be it in relationships, career, health, money) that you do not like, you are then to write its opposite: the thing in direct contrast that you hope/dream/desire to feel or see for yourself. 

I don’t think it was a direct suggestion, but I found that the way I worded these things made a really big difference. When I would write, “Things I don’t like…. feeling scared of looking too thin,” for example, it held a lot less power than when I wrote, “Things I don’t like…..I feel scared that I look too thin.” It also felt a lot harder. Because its visceral. Writing in present, feeling tense, makes it real and vulnerable. Embarrassing, yes. But ultimately I think that’s the work. 

I’m taking a leap here and sharing with you some of the table I made out. Not all of it, because it was long, but some of the things that jumped out at me most. 

 

THINGS I DON’T LIKE

 

THINGS I LIKE

I am always thinking of/worried about how I appear to others; mind-reading

 

My thoughts are filled with
creativity, excitement and confidence

I feel scared that I look
too thin to be hired by Stratford

 

I know I am worthy of being
hired by Stratford and that I belong there
I feel like a fraud

People know; I am open with others and feel proud and confident about what I am doing

   
I feel like I have secrets I know I am doing nothing wrong
   
I am scared that when I
book a gig, they won’t be
able to find clothes that fit
  
I know I am an average size that is easy to fit; my size is not a point of focus or surprise
 

I have a calorie count I
don’t want to go over
 

 

I feel nourished and strong at the thought of giving my body more

 

I feel scared to gain weight I feel strong and confident in my body, knowing I’m doing what’s right

 

Using The Law Of Attraction to find my desire #hypothalamicamenorrhea #recovery #desire #lawofattraction Click To Tweet

I put the points that struck me the most in bold. 

From these points, I was able to feel what my strongest desires are:  

I no longer have fear about my size

and

I feel proud and confident about what I am doing

The first one… at least has a tangible route. I gain weight. The physical change gives my mind peace so that I have something solid to battle against the mind reading and enable me to feel more confident in my career. But the second one begged a question ….how do I get there??

What REALLY struck me as I wrote this list, was the amount of times I wrote fear

It struck me that all the things I don’t like revolved around how I felt scared, and that all this fear had to do with things that I keep to myself; things that are simply in my thoughtsMind reading what others are thinkingFear of what people don’t know. And as a result, fear of feeling like a fraud. 

…. shame. 

Where does shame live?

Shame lives in secrecy. 

Law of Attraction Hypothalamic Amenorrhea

“If you stay quiet, you stay in a lot of self-judgment.”

When I wrote, “I am open with others”… it automatically lead me to then write, “I feel strong, confident and proud of what I am doing.”

Holy smokes.

TELLING OTHERS = releases shame.

The thought of being more open – to others as well as myself – about “being in” Hypothalamic Amenorrhea recovery suddenly released SO MUCH WEIGHT. Just thinking about it made me feel lighter.

Law of Attraction Hypothalamic Amenorrhea

In all these years, I’ve remained very secretive about my past as well as what I’ve continued to battle. No, not to you guys, but that’s why I started this blog in the first place. As a place for me TO start to talk about it. To be more open and honest, with someone, other than my therapists. I’m not even completely honest with my best of friends. THIS is what leads me to feel like a fraud. This is what makes me feel like I’m living one life on the outside and a completely different one on the inside.  

Trying to eat more…gain weight… rest more…  quit smoking…. stop drinking…..whatever it may be in secret equals a feeling that you are doing something wrong. 

So….. what’s the big deal!?

Why aren’t I more open about what I’m doing?

No, I’m not saying I’m going to cut and paste a sparkly sign to hang around my neck saying, “Ehhh! I’m in HA recovery!” I just mean, why aren’t I bit more open about it?  If the moment comes up or the opportunity arises with my close friends or family, why don’t I talk about it? Speaking it out loud lessens its weight. It kind of… makes it no big deal. Ya know?

“I am eating more to gain weight in order to heal from hypothalamic amenorrhea and get my period back.”

….doesn’t seem like as big a deal when said out loud, does it??

Not keeping secrets… not feeling like I am living a life on the inside all by myself… releases the feeling that I am doing something wrong. Releasing this feeling then enables me to reach my desire…

To feel strong, confident and proud of what I am doing. 

This, this may just have the power to release the block that has been holding me back. Releasing shame = releases the block.

Law of Attraction Hypothalamic Amenorrhea

This was just the first step in working with The Law Of Attraction. I hope to share more about the next exercises and what I take from them as I go. It will be interesting to see how The Law Of Attraction helps me in recovery. My career would have been a lot more straight forward of a choice…… haha. 

Linking up with Amanda for Thinking Out Loud. 

Shame lives in secrecy. Can being more open have the ability to release the blocks holding us back?? #shame #recovery #hypothalamicamenorrhea #harecovery Click To Tweet

Tell me,

Have you ever heard of/used The Law of Attraction?

Has there ever been something you kept secret, which – as a result – held you back??

26 COMMENTS

  1. Craig | 18th Jan 18

    thank you…..certainly hadn’t heard of this before, and greatly appreciate the candor in which you share it! I think you have exceptional means by which to share you insights! On a different note . You have a gorgeous voice, and the duet you sang on Christmas Eve was stellar! I had no idea……….BRAVA

    • Cora | 22nd Jan 18

      Thank you Craig!! Both of these compliments mean a log. Singing at the Christmas Eve is honestly one of my favorite things to do. Singing in that church just makes me feel so at home.

  2. Sarah @ Bucket List Tummy | 18th Jan 18

    I’ve heard so much about the law of attraction stated in different ways. I’ve tried to use it for career purposes to channel more opportunities and keep a positive mindset. I like that you’re using it for your recovery, and look forward to reading more about how it’s working and what you’re learning.

    • Cora | 22nd Jan 18

      I’d be curious to know what your experience/thoughts were. I can see it being a hit or miss thing, depending on the person or circumstance. I’m intrigued enough to keep going through the exercises.

  3. Jamie@TheMomGene | 18th Jan 18

    It makes complete sense to me why you would tell everyone everything. That does not make you a fraud. That makes you discerning. As long as you share your fears and hopes and “off” moods with the people you trust you are being open. I love that about you.

    • Cora | 22nd Jan 18

      Haha – I feel like I’m not always “loved” for being so open. I quite often feel that makes me a crazy burden of a friend/family member. But…. I’d be a meaner friend/family member if I kept things inside.

  4. Kat | 18th Jan 18

    Gosh – why do I always feel like I need to get my freaking sh$t together whenever I read your posts?! Seriously woman, you never cease to amaze me with your constant strive to be better in all aspects of your life. It’s super encouraging to me – it makes me want to do more for myself. <3
    Kat recently posted…Oatmeal Raisin Quinoa Breakfast BowlMy Profile

    • Cora | 22nd Jan 18

      Um, Kat, remember the post you just put out last week? I’d say you are pretty on par with “getting your shit together.” You are – and have – done an incredible amount of work and soul searching, I’d say in the past year especially. You are incredible. You are inspiring. You are learning and working hard to find that person you know you are meant to be.

      It’s just a lonnngggg process for us both. Love you.

  5. Ellie Pell | 18th Jan 18

    I’m really rooting for you here Cora. Fear in any case just sucks. Ain’t no easy way to say it. I think in my life, I don’t advertise some of my history or pitfalls because it’s my business. Those are things I went through and got over, so bringing them up would serve no purpose. However, when I am still going through shit or my past might have an influence on what I’m doing now, I tell the people who need to know.
    You are a whole person outside of HA, there’s a way to work on it without making it your whole existence am I right?
    Ellie Pell recently posted…The First Van CrisisMy Profile

    • Cora | 22nd Jan 18

      Absolutely – sometimes bringing something back up serves no purpose, and could even do more harm than good. It is up to us and our intuition to know the when and wheres. We don’t always need to know the whys, but if we feel like it is going to help us talk about something – to release a block or help us relieve any bits of shame etc – then we need to work to have the courage to do so. And the rest that no longer needs to be shared, it is a sign that we’ve overcome the burden and it no longer has a hold on us.

      And…. yes. Your last texts you sent me the other day? Really landed with me. I’ve been stewing them over for the past few days. Thank you.

  6. chasetheredgrape | 18th Jan 18

    Being open releases so much. I was very closed off when I first went into recovery – I didn’t want to be labeled and I didn’t see it as anyone else’s business. Only my inner family knew… And that’s 4 people. Looking back on it I wish I had been more open, spoken more, talked more. There were a lot of people in my life who would have helped me so much. I was always afraid they would say the wrong thing that would trigger a panic in me. But being honest meant that would very rarely happen. Instead I focus on now. Any time I am scared or feel shame from being scared/worried I talk… And within moments it’s gone. Just like your exercise above, we learn from these moments of release and they help us so much in the future.

    • Cora | 22nd Jan 18

      It’s incredible how much talking can release those feelings of fear or worry. It can still feel uncomfortable, but I often feel 10 times lighter. I don’t think I would have agreed with my current thoughts a few years ago. I think it’s taken all this time to get to this place where I feel I can “own” what I’m doing… without shame or fear or embarassment.

  7. danielle | 19th Jan 18

    This is wonderful!!! the law of attraction and the whole concept makes so much sense to me. My mom introduced it to me when I was really young, almost too young, but she was into it and I found all of her metaphysical books. I was intrigued and liked the idea of visualization and imagining what you want. I would love to set aside more time in my morning to visualize and write down affirmations… thank you for the reminder 🙂 it’s been baby steps for me, each time I get up 20 minutes before I have to start getting ready for work and the baby is sleeping I feel amazed and amazing. I’m very excited for your journey!

    • Cora | 22nd Jan 18

      Do you believe in visualization? Imagining what we want, and getting it? I think… there just isn’t an alternative. I am choosing to believe in it, because if I work to put positive energies out into the word, and maybe DON’T get my “dream,” let’s say…. at least I lived a lot happier of a life. And probably made a lot of other people happier while doing it.

  8. Kristy from Southern In Law | 21st Jan 18

    This is such an interesting post – and you are so right! Shame does live in secrecy.. and often times, when we open up about things we realise how we’ve blown it out of proportion in our mind!
    Kristy from Southern In Law recently posted…Recent Things: That Time Jesse Woke Up in a SpaceshipMy Profile

    • Cora | 22nd Jan 18

      Yes – the simple act of talking about it releases it out into the open to a) let us see that in our MINDS it is so much bigger and scarier and b) let’s it out from the confines of our system which literally releases a lot of weight

  9. Alyssa | 21st Jan 18

    I LOVE the law of attraction and find it so so interesting and useful.
    “Shame lives in secrecy. ” -THIS is so true.
    I am rooting for you girl. You WILL recover from HA. I did, and so can you!! love ya

    • Cora | 22nd Jan 18

      Thank you, Lyss. I’m wondering if you use an similar teachings in your yoga training/practice?

  10. Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets | 25th Jan 18

    I’ve read about the law of attraction and I tend to believe in it.

    More importantly though, shame lives in secrets. I remember suffering from PPDA and feeling so much shame and I couldn’t/didn’t want to tell anyone. I isolated myself and it added to the shame. Once I opened up, a weight was lifted.

    So, your homework is to tell one of your friends about your HA, one who didn’t know. You can do it.
    Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets recently posted…Week in Review: Food, Family and Fatigue (#116)My Profile

    • Cora | 30th Jan 18

      You know, I kind of silently gave myself that homework last week. I still haven’t done it though. But I want to.

  11. Nina | 26th Jan 18

    Hey there. I’ve been long time reader, and have had similar struggles. Still awaiting my period to return in HA recovery, and trying to figure out the best strategy. Kudos for you of taking the bull by the horns!

    My sister mentioned Brene Brown’s book and Ted Talks to me the other day, and ever since then I have been seeing her referenced EVERYWHERE! Talk about a sign! Keep up the hard work love,you’re doing amazing!

    • Cora | 30th Jan 18

      Ah…. I think that’s a true sign indeed. Some beautiful and powerful words of wisdom to be found in those places. Thank you so much for commenting – it really means a lot. I send you all my best wishes and vibes and strength for self care in your own journey through this. You aren’t alone <3.

  12. Colleen | 26th Jan 18

    Thanks for the info about the Law of Attraction. It sounds like an excellent tool to help to focus on what you are looking for and how to move toward it. Thanks for the helpful lead. Cora, I continue to admire you for your courage in exploring paths and tools for recovery and for sharing with the rest of us seekers. Hugs, ck

    • Cora | 30th Jan 18

      Thank you colleen. It’s a messy life, but I think sharing it makes the mess a little more compassionate.

  13. Kaylee | 28th Jan 18

    WOWZA. That was powerful. It’s amazing how you insightful you are, learning these things about yourself and applying the law of attraction in the different facets of your life.

    I feel ya. People who are involved in my everyday life–people I feel really close to–still don’t know about my ED or I’ve told once but I don’t openly share anything else about it. I know it would be could for me to speak up for myself and my needs, and could only make the connection stronger but alas shame allows my secrets to fester too. Maybe I need to take a nod from you and allow myself to be free, allow myself to live a life outside of my own self as you put it.

  14. Cora | 30th Jan 18

    I think both of our homework is to tell someone new….that we trust… about the journey we are on <3

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