I miss writing.
I miss navigating my life and unraveling my thoughts through words and pictures that relate comfort.
I’ve been busy and feel like I don’t have time for a lot of the little things I like/want to do.
On one hand this is positive because I’m busy – or trying to be busy – putting more time into my career. I feel like I’m getting myself back to putting my “real life” at the forefront: using my mornings to send out submissions, writing scary emails, putting potential projects and auditions in front of and above anything else. This takes a lot of time. It’s constant. It’s also very scary. I feel like I let it slip for the latter half of the summer – a mix of burn out perhaps (giving giving giving with not much in return) and too much work. So I’m happy to feel like I’m starting to get myself back to this place.
Though, I still very much feel like I’m not doing enough.
I need to dedicate myself better
I need to better focus on my goals
Why is everyone else getting work and I am not?
Am I just “half way” trying and not actually giving it my all?
Is something blocking me?
I need to start making scarier decisions
I need to start choosing career moves over money
I need to think about how I can open up more time
Or use time more efficiently
To balance out all the things in my life
And get everything I want to do done.
I just need to figure out how I can get away without sleeping.
….anyone figured that one out yet???
These are a lot of the thoughts I have. Of course, I’m really not being as hard on myself as these thoughts make it sound. I’m just still very much trying to figure it all out.
Early mornings at home. Trying to make for more time to get things done.
So on one hand, I hope I’m busy in a positive way. But on the other hand, I know work is taking up more time in my life than I feel proud of.
My inability to say no to taking shifts and my fear of not making enough money still manages to be a major contender in my life. I know one shift won’t make any visible difference in my ability to live, and yet I find it scary and guilt inducing to not make as much money as I “could.” Anyone else get this? I keep saying I need to stop taking shifts and work less – even if I don’t have any actual commitment – just to give myself that open time to catch up on the little bits of life. But when the offer comes, there’s this voice that comes up and says “well it’s not like you had anything to do anyways.” It makes me scared of open time. “What if I don’t do anything and feel lonely and uncomfortable and just end up wasting away the afternoon?” It’s like I immediately forget about all those little things I feel a longing to do: bake, make art, do crafts, write back logged blog posts, visit friends, start packing etc. My little bank account of “time users” is there! I just seem to continually neglect it.
So I need to work on this, continue re-assessing my priorities, and make some new choices.
Balancing life with a freelance/arts/acting career is practically an impossible feat.
I’m in the thick of apartment hunting. It’s a lot and it’s potentially very stressful. Potentially……
I want to start packing. I’ve got a lot of clothing to go through and organize and get rid of.
Actually – I said a very sad goodbye the other day. My blue babies have been with me for ten years! They’ve been through Asia, Scotland, and all over Canada. They could write a book: “Places I’ve been.” Alas… their collection of holes combined with our rainy summer called for their time of rest. Thank you blue shoes. You did a very, very good job.
Goodbye my beautiful blue friends
Connecting these last few points – I’ve been reading the book: The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. It is absolutely darling! For such a potentially dry and uninteresting topic, somehow I am completely smitten. Marie Kondo, the creator of this “tidying revolution” makes you really excited to make a home for yourself where you can thrive and truly live the life you want. She kind of compares the act of tidying as a metaphor for life? I think particularly of Jen, Juli and Meg – and any others who appreciate the act of organizing as therapy, Hygge (thank you Jen), and making a happy home for yourself.
Perfect timing as I prepare to create a new home for myself and get rid of the old
I’ve now had my first Pumpkin Spice Latte. At first I was all like, “Oooo. McDonalds. Caramel pumpkin?… Why would you do that.”
Butttt…. turns out it’s delicious. Yum.
Still finding time to appreciate the lasting beautiful weather. Enjoying a few moments in the sun with my first PSL.
I’d really love to get in some baking soon. It’s pumpkin season!! Another thing for that blessed day off.
But I did make this wonderful Blueberry Breakfast Bake from thehungrycaterpillarblog and brought it over to a friend for brunch one morning. Its’ gluten free, vegan, low-FODMAP and mega nutritious. I added frozen whole cranberries and a topping of hemp seeds. The friend-brunch was lovely as well.
I’ve been craving sandwiches like a fiieennddd lately. Just thought I’d put that out there.
Ham + Monterey Jack + Mayo + Dijon + Tomato on Sourdough Sunflower Flax Bread. Sooooo gooooooood.
You know that “no sleep” idea I threw out? I’m currently giving it a try. Sigh. But I supppoooose I should be getting myself to bed. As much as I’d love to continue chucking life rambles at you as I continue to grow more and more
So tell me,
Any strategies for how to do all the things you want to do in life?
Words of wisdom for balancing making money vs life goals?
Do you have a hard time saying “no” to work?
Do you find getting rid of things therapeutic, or hard?