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Thinking Out Loud: Living With Intention

 

I’ve been having a bit of a hard time this past week or so (and no, not anything to do with my little injury either).  Just something internal that’s been rather hard to figure out. 

I’ve been having a really hard time just…. getting my head on straight. 

Ya know?

I’m feeling very unfocused.

Scattered.

Unpresent. 

Feet not firmly on the ground

I feel like everything I’ve been doing has been done unmindfully. Without intention or presence. 

Like nothing I do ever feels in control. 

I feel like everything I do is done while fifteen other things are swirling around in my head. Or that I’m simply doing 15 things at once. Parts of things, and never one thing completely. 

I have many things I want to do. And yet when the time comes, I panic. I don’t know how to use it. 

This week…taking myself out for some undistracted journalling time 

I’m craving intention

I’m craving…

Structure. 

More early morning yoga and a routine that I stick to each day

Discipline? Regiment

I’m craving organization and clarity in each of my days. A neatly laid out day book where each morning I write out my plan for the day.  

One thing at a time…

The words that stick out to me here are… Routine. Clarity. Structure. Plan. Focus. 

And mostly… intention

It is these things I feel I am lacking, and these things I find myself reaching out for. 

 

Why do I feel like this?

 

Well I think it makes sense. I’m an extreme busy body, meaning the only way I know how to be is… busy. I’ve always been this way. But I do think it lives in me to the extreme, and it often harms me. 

The summer was very busy… working too much, above all. Then October and, specifically, November were absolute gong shows. Between packing, moving, and then the show I was stage managing, my time was taken. 

And now… I’m settled in my new house. My work shifts have gone down. My agent is in charge of finding me auditions. And thus, I have settled into a more “normal life.” This is not a bad thing and I am by no means complaining. It just means, I have transitioned into something different and am having to find a new rhythm.

Its rather interesting that whenever I enter these “slower” phases of life, I get scattered and anxious and crave discipline and structure. 

Purpose to my days?

This new season has also come with a shift in my surroundings. I now live with Dan, and although I love everything about this, it has meant some new internal shifts. 

It’s meant that now sharing my time with someone else has become more of a presence in my planning. I want to share my time, and so I feel guilty when I am not. Those 15 other things I mentioned that float around in my head while I’m doing something? A lot of those have to do with, “should I be doing something with Dan?”What is Dan thinking?” Even though I know Dan is not thinking nearly the same kinds of thoughts as me. Guilt is just with me everywhere I go. It’s my curse. 

These thoughts and subsequent debates in my head make it hard to feel focused in anything I do, and make it hard for me to find a level of comfort in my days.  But I also think these thoughts have so much room to flourish because of a larger sense of void. 

Finding comfort in normalcy…

I think we all need intention in our lives. 

I think it is at the base of Maslow’s Hierarchy. 

For me, I need to feel like I am really working on something. That what I’m doing matters and that I have a purpose to each of my days. That I have structure, schedule, routine and a focus. 

I am aware that my mind works in over drive. Nothing is ever enough. 

But when I don’t have a sense of intention, things just start to feel really scattered. I really struggle with how to use my time. Everything feels muddled.

I just want to be able to look at my life with a clear vision. I want to know what I’m doing in each moment. Be present in it. And lately I haven’t been able to do that. 

I’m not sure if any of this makes sense. I’m simply thinking out loud. 

How Do You Find Intention In Your Life? Do you ever feel scattered or unfocused? #thinkingoutloud #intention #mindfulness #clarity #purpose #focus Click To Tweet

 

I have many questions for you, and would love any suggestions you could offer:

Do you ever feel really muddled or scattered?

Do you ever feel a heightened craving for structure, discipline, or routine? When/why do you think this happens?

When you are in-between jobs, or in a less busy phase of life, what do you do to bring yourself back to a sense of intention? 

Do you have any suggestions for writing prompts? Goal setting/listing/organizing? Or day books that help you plan out your days so that you can feel focused and accomplished?

 

 

 

 

21 COMMENTS

  1. Jamie@TheMomGene | 7th Dec 17

    “For me, I need to feel like I am really working on something. That what I’m doing matters and that I have a purpose to each of my days. That I have structure, schedule, routine and a focus.”

    Me too me too me too.

    I like goals and purpose and downtime ALWAYS takes readjusting. Jody is my opposite, which helps. But man oh man I feel you on this one.

    • Cora | 9th Dec 17

      Dan is my opposite as well. Ugh. Its such a blessing and a curse. My skin feels like its falling out of itself with downtime.

  2. Emily Swanson | 7th Dec 17

    OH BOY YES! I have felt like that since we got back from Europe; it seems like everything just washed over me, and the Lord Jesus has been really filling me with peace just lately as I learn to navigate this muddle. It’s going to be crazy still for a while, but I try to start the mornings with intention and end the nights without spending a lot of time on my computer, which for some reason makes me feel the most scattered.
    Emily Swanson recently posted…Comment on Being Content With My Body, My Life, and Most of All God’s Plan! by beautyinchristMy Profile

    • Cora | 9th Dec 17

      I think decreasing my computer time at night could be something to look into. See if I notice a difference.

  3. amanda -runtothefinish | 7th Dec 17

    Running is a big part of my mental health and going through an injury and surgery left me with that weird headspace too! I wasn’t sad persay, just not able to focus like normal

    • Cora | 9th Dec 17

      Ahhhh yes yes I bet. That’s exactly it! Its so funny how we can have those things that are like our “rocks” in our life, and without them, our brain doesn’t know where to focus itself.

  4. Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets | 7th Dec 17

    There are times I feel scattered and unfocused with my brain running rampant. I usually write things down so I can get them out of my head (i.e. make a list) or I clean. It gives me a false sense of control. Also there’s usually a strange feeling after you’ve just come off a big high or a stressful period. It’s not unusual to feel a bit lost or muddled. Embrace it is my best advice.
    Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets recently posted…Week in Review: The Banana Shorts Edition (#111)My Profile

    • Cora | 9th Dec 17

      Writing has proven to really help – when I let myself do it. And cleaning always helps. Always.

      I guess I can embrace it, you’re right. But I also hope it doesn’t last too much longer.

  5. danielle | 7th Dec 17

    yes yes yes. i get this! i am feeling this way as well. i’m feeling so itchy in my skin, and not just because i have severe eczema and had a mega allergic reaction on my face in cancun 😉
    since my running injury a few weeks ago (kill me!) i’ve been feeling so unsettled. i know that injuries always get people down, but i just don’t understand life sometimes. like why do i go after something that injures my body???? why don’t i just run a few miles a day and be healthy and happy??? why do i have do a marathon or even a half marathon, when i know i get injured??? why????? why am i such a dumbass sometimes???
    i get it. this time for some reason feels so uncertain. i cling onto routine like a barnacle clings onto a ship. i am a barnacle looking for a ship. a fucking lost barnacle… damnit the fuck. well, i am finding my routine again and getting strong again, and damnit this time i’m NOT going to allow the same damn injury to happen. i will remember that i love to move my body and don’t need a long ass race to feel happy. i’d much rather run a bit every day then not run for months. YES.
    ok sorry for my rant. i hope you get my fuzzy warm happy vibes that i just sent you!

    • Cora | 14th Dec 17

      “like why do i go after something that injures my body??”…….. sigh. If only one day we figure this one out…

      We can be lost barnacles together. As long as we keep swimming, right? <3

      (Qait... barnacles don't swim. You know what I mean).

      • Cora | 14th Dec 17

        Wait** not Qait

  6. chasetheredgrape | 7th Dec 17

    First of all, just being in the same home as each other means you spend time together. Do your own thing, don’t worry or feel guilty about Dan. The fact that you sleep side by side each night is enough and means the world. This is where the magic of living together lies.
    As for feeling unsettled, give yourself some grace, we all go through this, especially for those of us out there who don’t have a strict 9-5 Monday to Friday routine. It’s sometimes scary and can make me panic when I dont have ‘plans’ but it’s the life we chose as a creative. Knowing I am in control of this helps me. Lack of routine, crazy times and then quiet times is all part of our life and we need to own it. After all, do we really want that 9-5 structure? It’s just not us… We can’t thrive from it. We need more of an adventure and as unsettling as it is it’s just part of our own whirlwind! 🙂

    • Cora | 14th Dec 17

      This is everything I need to hear. Both the reminder that just being around Dan is a lot. It’s my damn “never enough” mentality. Ignites guilt everywhere it can.

      And….the life of a creative. I am so built for this life – like you said, I could NEVER do the 9-5 structure with my soul dying – and yet is there also a part of me that wants routine and structure. It’s proving to be a hard and messy middle ground to figure out. But you are right, at the end of the day I need the adventure way more and my soul would not be happy without it. Thank you Jen. This really helped.

  7. Heather @ Polyglot Jot | 8th Dec 17

    Great post! Since having Aubrey I find that I feel most happy when I can keep her and myself on a consistent routine . Obviously some days are all over the place still, but for the most part I crave the schedule and structure for her.
    Heather @ Polyglot Jot recently posted…December Goals & IntentionsMy Profile

    • Cora | 14th Dec 17

      Oh gosh I bet. With a baby and all the newness that has come your way, routine would be a real soothing savior.

  8. Susie @ Suzlyfe | 8th Dec 17

    I think you have to remember to give yourself some grace–you moved in with someone you deeply care about while you are dealing with health issues, the holidays, and having a more open schedule! That = a lot of ropes pulling you in different directions. what I used to suggest to people is that they start each day with 3 things that need to be accomplished, and 2 back ups if the others get done. Then the rest of the day is yours is you finish them.
    The others? Set a routine that you can work within, and part of the routine is “flex time,” meaning that you know something is going to come up, but you just don’t knwo what it is yet. Having time built into your day to deal with whatever happens will assuage fears of not getting everything done.
    Susie @ Suzlyfe recently posted…Shopping Parties, Newborn Classes, and More (Friday Catch Up 12/7)My Profile

    • Cora | 14th Dec 17

      Such good advice. I’ve told you how smart you are, right?

      I need to get better at actually following the goals/plans I do make for myself. Instead of getting distracted by a trillion other things.

  9. Sarah @ Bucket List Tummy | 8th Dec 17

    I can complete relate to this, Cora! I feel the same away about not utilizing my time fully when I do have it, yet planning and wanting it when I don’t. I wish I had the answer, but I obviously haven’t figured it out yet! I think the living with Dan part will come, it’s just an adjustment at first. Men don’t think nearly as much as us though!

    • Cora | 14th Dec 17

      I so wish I had the answer to0. It’s so bizarre. When the time comes, its like all those fantasies, plans are desires I had the day before completely fly out of my brain.

  10. Alyssa | 8th Dec 17

    I feel like when we get in touch with our intuition, we can better focus on our intention. For example: when you tune into what you NEED, a routine and flow will follow based off that need. And what you need each day is different, so your routine will change too! tuning into our intuition can help with our intention… i believe setting an intention in your journal before you begin each day with three things you want to focus on is super helpful too
    Alyssa recently posted…Repairing Broken RelationshipsMy Profile

    • Cora | 14th Dec 17

      One hundred and fifty percent. This is exactly right. If we give ourselves the time to really tune into our intuition… and then choose to listen…

      Thanks Lyss

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