How are you? I missed last week’s Week In Review so am feeling a little out-of-routine. I apologize now – this post is heavy on actor stuff. Maybe you can substitute your own goals or career path to make it more relatable?
This last week was freaking hard. Emotionally I just… man, I just had a really hard time.
You know what I discovered? I discovered that of all the triggers that make me feel guilt (which unfortunately, are un-rationally numerous) the worst of ALL of them… worse than food guilt and the guilt of not eating well, worse than exercise guilt, even worse than friend guilt or boyfriend guilt… is the guilt I feel about not living up to my expectations in regards to my career.
Last week I had a big audition as well as a tape screening – which I mentioned – and I felt really awful about both of them. I felt supreme guilt for having made the “wrong” choice and bringing the wrong piece in to a very professional audition room. I felt hard on myself and worried about how that choice was now going to affect me in the future. In my mind, I just should have thought clearer; worked harder somehow to have made a better choice. “Known better.” Writing this down does help me see that fore-sight is a bitch (pardon my french) and I simply didn’t see that I would feel this way after the fact. But still, the you shoulds have been very strong.
These “bad” auditions triggered a lot of hard emotions and insecurities. And then, my guilt put on its Xena warrior pants and got me all jacked up. I went into don’t get in my way mode, took myself to a cafe and buckled down on a bunch of things I feel I should have been doing a lot more before now. I researched, planned, connected, brainstormed, emailed. I felt productive, re-motivated, and gave myself a sense of “starting new.”
So this is not a pity party. Rather it is me saying I recognized something that I wanted to change and then took action to make it happen.
In addition to
Oh yes. I also helped release a fun little informercial with some women friends – The Fertility Nag Bot. A cheeky look into the pressures women face in regards to, “So when are you going to have a baby!?!” Do me a favor and take three minutes to check it out. Subscribe, like, share with all your women friends… anything your budding, bloating, growing, or cringing uterus desires!
I continued my search for apartments which is just all around depressing.
I pushed forward – albeit slowly – in my purging, organizing and packing.
I organized my craft drawers!
….And then my Dad called and I started crying….while sitting on the floor of my living room surrounded by a circle of glitter, construction paper, ribbons and card stock. Ha! I am an adult, right?!
I also organized my card box. Which also ended rather emotionally. Oh boy.
I finally sold my keyboard (Dan has two, so we don’t exactly need a third)
I replied to comments
I put out a post with PrAna clothing, hi-lting ethical clothing production methods. Use code MSF17ML to get your discount!
I pulled my newly organized craft drawers back out and made a card for a friend. #glittertherapy
I baked cookies (for me…)
Pumpkin Monster Cookies with mini reeces pieces
And a batch of donuts to give to friends (and…..me…)
Pumpkin chocolate donuts… pre frosting
…amongst a few other yummy delectables. Stay tuned.Join #weekinreview with @cleaneatsfast. #accomplishments #productivity #goals Click To Tweet
I feel like my blog has become a lot about guilt, not doing enough, and me being hard on myself lately. Oie. I’m sorry! That’s a broken record that I, for one, would get tired of pretty quickly. Welcome to “the crazy girl who never feels like she’s doing enough!” episode ten.
I feel guilt.
But I’m not sinking into it in a woe is me way. I’m using it to see the reality that I want to make a shift in my priorities and sacrifice other things – work being a huge one – in order to spend more time on my career. Things just need to change a bit. For my own health and happiness. Because as I think it is obvious, I’ve now learned THIS guilt is the worst of alllllll the guilts. And I need to make some decisions to eliminate it rearing its head in like this again.
I think that is a really really big lesson I just learned, and so as hard as it was… I think this was an important week to have happened.Career Guilt. Is it based on reality or are you being too hard on yourself? #guilt #goals #dreams… Click To Tweet
My next post won’t be so heavy, I promise you. I’m thinking some kitchen creation catch up is in order. And maybe a peek into my pumpkin shenanigans. Mmm mm mmm.
Do you feel career guilt?
Do you see the realities or do you think you are just too hard on yourself?
Ever cried while surrounded by glitter!?? #adulting