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Week In Review: Career Guilt, Buckling Down and… Glitter

Hi friends,

How are you? I missed last week’s Week In Review so am feeling a little out-of-routine. I apologize now – this post is heavy on actor stuff. Maybe you can substitute your own goals or career path to make it more relatable?

This last week was freaking hard. Emotionally I just… man, I just had a really hard time.  

You know what I discovered? I discovered that of all the triggers that make me feel guilt (which unfortunately, are un-rationally numerous) the worst of ALL of them… worse than food guilt and the guilt of not eating well, worse than exercise guilt, even worse than friend guilt or boyfriend guilt… is the guilt I feel about not living up to my expectations in regards to my career. 

 

 

Last week I had a big audition as well as a tape screening – which I mentioned – and I felt really awful about both of them. I felt supreme guilt for having made the “wrong” choice and bringing the wrong piece in to a very professional audition room. I felt hard on myself and worried about how that choice was now going to affect me in the future. In my mind, I just should have thought clearer; worked harder somehow to have made a better choice. “Known better.” Writing this down does help me see that fore-sight is a bitch (pardon my french) and I simply didn’t see that I would feel this way after the fact. But still, the you shoulds have been very strong. 

These “bad” auditions triggered a lot of hard emotions and insecurities. And then, my guilt put on its Xena warrior pants and got me all jacked upI went into don’t get in my way mode, took myself to a cafe and buckled down on a bunch of things I feel I should have been doing a lot more before now.  I researched, planned, connected, brainstormed, emailed. I felt productive, re-motivated, and gave myself a sense of “starting new.” 

So this is not a pity party. Rather it is me saying I recognized something that I wanted to change and then took action to make it happen. 

buckling down career guilt

Buckling down

In addition to

  • Researching and finding rehearsal studios
  • Researching play writes, theatre companies and current seasons 
  • Planning and organizing dates to see shows and attend workshops 

I also…

  • Got an audition that I really wanted to get
  • …and for said audition, learned this old school gem which I’m damn proud to say I’ve got dowwwwn. You wanna see me rap? … Yeah I know you do. 
  • Booked a meeting with an agent (who contacted me after seeing the tape screening I mentioned above…. even though I felt awful about it? Interesting)
  • Went to my first and second session of the new film class I am taking
  • Had an individual coaching (this was post crappy auditions and ended up being the really hard, but needed catalyst for the huge kick in the butt).

Oh yes. I also helped release a fun little informercial with some women friends – The Fertility Nag Bot. A cheeky look into the pressures women face in regards to, “So when are you going to have a baby!?!” Do me a favor and take three minutes to check it out. Subscribe, like, share with all your women friends… anything your budding, bloating, growing, or cringing uterus desires! 

 

 

In non-actor related things…

 

I continued my search for apartments which is just all around depressing. 

I pushed forward – albeit slowly – in my purging, organizing and packing.

I organized my craft drawers!

….And then my Dad called and I started crying….while sitting on the floor of my living room surrounded by a circle of glitter, construction paper, ribbons and card stock. Ha!  I am an adult, right?!

I also organized my card box. Which also ended rather emotionally. Oh boy. 

cards career guilt

 

I finally sold my keyboard (Dan has two, so we don’t exactly need a third)

I replied to comments

I put out a post with PrAna clothing, hi-lting ethical clothing production methods. Use code MSF17ML to get your discount!

 

And then to soothe my soul…

 

I pulled my newly organized craft drawers back out and made a card for a friend. #glittertherapy 

glitter career guilt

I baked cookies (for me…)

cookies career guilt

Pumpkin Monster Cookies with mini reeces pieces

And a batch of donuts to give to friends (and…..me…)

donuts career guilt

Pumpkin chocolate donuts… pre frosting

…amongst a few other yummy delectables. Stay tuned.

Join #weekinreview with @cleaneatsfast. #accomplishments #productivity #goals Click To Tweet

I feel like my blog has become a lot about guilt, not doing enough, and me being hard on myself lately. Oie. I’m sorry! That’s a broken record that I, for one, would get tired of pretty quickly. Welcome to “the crazy girl who never feels like she’s doing enough!” episode ten. 

I feel guilt. 

But I’m not sinking into it in a woe is me way. I’m using it to see the reality that I want to make a shift in my priorities and sacrifice other things – work being a huge one – in order to spend more time on my career.  Things just need to change a bit. For my own health and happiness. Because as I think it is obvious, I’ve now learned THIS guilt is the worst of alllllll the guilts. And I need to make some decisions to eliminate it rearing its head in like this again. 

I think that is a really really big lesson I just learned, and so as hard as it was… I think this was an important week to have happened. 

Career Guilt. Is it based on reality or are you being too hard on yourself? #guilt #goals #dreams… Click To Tweet

My next post won’t be so heavy, I promise you. I’m thinking some kitchen creation catch up is in order. And maybe a peek into my pumpkin shenanigans. Mmm mm mmm. 

Tell me,

Do you feel career guilt?

Do you see the realities or do you think you are just too hard on yourself? 

Ever cried while surrounded by glitter!?? #adulting

 

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30 COMMENTS

  1. Colleen | 1st Oct 17

    Oh Cora! Glitter! As you know, I work part time at Pier 1. Tonight, a crew of my co-workers is bringing out the first of our Christmas merchandise. We are big on glitter at Pier 1. From now until March (Easter), I will be surrounding by glitter and will come home with it in the strangest places! I have heard glitter referred to as the herpes of the craft world! I’m not sure that Pier 1 is the best place to be spending my time but for now it gives me a connection with other people that I need.
    Loved the Fertility Nag Bot video. Believe it or not, I still sometimes get the questions (at 64!) about why I never married.
    So, today my one accomplishment was getting my patio furniture stowed away for the winter. Oh dear! Time passes and I didn’t do as much entertaining in the garden as I’d hoped. Okay — put it away — maybe next year!
    Hugs, ck

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      Christmas!? It’s not even HALLOWE’EN! I guess Hallowe’en has less glitter involved. Aka much less important. You are going to be bringing home so much damn glitter your house is going to be a 1920s glam shop!

      Sigh. Yes. Solong to another summer. Just more to look forward to for next year then! (Does Pier 1 sell glittered patio tables!? 😉 )

  2. Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table | 2nd Oct 17

    PLEASE take a video of you singing Waterfalls. Pretty, pretty please. That was my high school anthem!

    Career guilt is a real thing. I basically have ti every day since . I gave up corporate life and started doing my own thing. And it’s stressful AF.
    Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table recently posted…How to Count Macros: A Beginner’s GuideMy Profile

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      You’ve tempted me. Maybe there will be a a video yet…

      TLC = gold.

      Stressful but…. worth it. To have made the choice to go after what YOU truly want? Worth it.

  3. Juli@1000lovelythings | 2nd Oct 17

    Oh girl, I feel ya! So so much! First, last week you told me to be gentle to myself, so I am going to tell you the same now: Be more gentle to yourself! You’re already proactively seeking opportunities. It’s not like you’re sitting at home waiting for a job to knock at your door. Maybe it would be good to prioritize your time more. From what you write here I feel like you’re having high standards for every part of your life and naturally it’s not possible to live up to all of them. By the beginning of writing my thesis I had that too and it helped to prioritize certain areas of my life and allow myself to drop other ones without guilt. When it’s not a priority it’s okay to slack a bit!
    Career guilt is a bitch! I am so torn between the need to make something out of my degree (I mean 5 years of work!!!) and the desire to do something totally different. But if I did do something else have I wasted the last 5 years of my life? aaargh! anyway… don’t be so hard on yourself!
    P.S the informercial is gold!
    Juli@1000lovelythings recently posted…Week in Review – The One were things go back to normalMy Profile

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      High standards for every part of my life. Huh. Yep….. ain’t that a blessing and a curse. Dropping things is so not my specialty.

      I know you are now seeking a career advisor, which I think is spectacular. Though after this comment and all the help you offer me…… you sure you’ve never considered that line of work yourself?! <3

  4. Sarah @ Bucket List Tummy | 2nd Oct 17

    Career guilt is a real thing because you care so much. It’s apparent how much you care and how much you pour your heart and soul into things. Sometimes I find a little perspective and new taste of motivation is all I need. it sounds like when you hunkered down at the cafe, you were able to get back in the zone. And I feel that we are often our own worst critics, that’s great that you got an email about the audition you didn’t feel good about. Also, can we talk about your snack choices this week? I want all of these recipes you shared!
    Sarah @ Bucket List Tummy recently posted…Apple Pumpkin Pie Baked OatmealMy Profile

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      Caring is such a blessing and a curse, isn’t it? I was able to get back into the zone in that cafe. And it felt really good. Its not sustainable to be so in that zone 100% of the time. I have to realize this and give myself grace for it. I can always come back to it when I see that I’ve lost my way.

  5. Emily Swanson | 2nd Oct 17

    I totally have experienced the guilt of trying to figure out a career; I can be a mix of being really realistic, and then I can also be way too hard on myself and focus on all the things I did wrong. It’s such a balance of grace and being realistic too.

    I love that you were able to do some organizing and baking; those are both so good for the heart and mind.

    And I am always amazed at how hard actors and actresses work; I think I often take for granted how hard you work to get the acts/opportunities that you do.
    Emily Swanson recently posted…Comment on The Temptation To Restrict On Vacation (Digging in Deep) by beautyinchristMy Profile

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      Oh gosh balancing grace, being realistic, and still working hard is a very big challenge. I think thats why we need things like organizing and baking. They are safe spaces in between all that other juggling and mess that bring us back to ourselves. Those things ground me.

      Yes. You have to work incredibly hard. Its daunting. But if its what you want… then its not work.

  6. Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets | 2nd Oct 17

    I think glitter therapy should absolutely be a thing, right along with baking therapy. I’m a pro at eating my feelings or cleaning away the chaos, quite literally. I’m proud of you for identifying the feelings, the whys and then acting to overcome them. Most people can’t even identify the why so you’re very much ahead of the game, even though you may not see it.

    Dads are the best aren’t they?

    Happy Monday and here’s to a better week.
    Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets recently posted…Week in Review: Soup, Toes, and Weddings (#102)My Profile

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      Dads and glitter. I will run to both these things until I’m 92 and need to be spoon fed. They never fail.

  7. Evangeline | 2nd Oct 17

    The infomercial is great. Thanks for the giggle. I was talking with my dad the other day about guilt. It seems for some of us to be hardwired into our DNA. Sorry it has been especially present and challenging these past few weeks. I wish you could get a good look at your life from a outside perspective. I have a feeling it would reassure you about your pursuit of the things you want most in your career and life. We tend to be hard on ourselves and impatient with the progression of things.

    Glad you spent time baking, arting, soothing. Lots of love to you this week, Cora <3
    Evangeline recently posted…Grateful for . . .My Profile

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      I think its definitely an aspect of our DNA. I can see guilt hugely in my Dad and my Mom… though it manifests very differently in different people.

  8. Danielle | 2nd Oct 17

    Oh boy oh boy. Do I feel career guilt? That is one of the best topics I’ve read in a long time. YES!! I do. I love my job and am so thankful to have found a job that I love and truly feel I’m good at. However, I grew up an artist and identified myself as an artist till I was 13. Then I didn’t get accepted in the mega art school that everyone thought I’d get in, I fell apart. I lost hope. I gave up art. Isn’t that crazy??? I know 13 sounds young but art was my life from the age of 2 to 13. Hours a day. I just never thought I’d do anything that wasnt art related.
    When the art school said I was too advanced for what they wanted, I lost my mind. I literally fell apart. Nobody really held me or hugged me. I just had to figure it out. So the ED was the perfect thing.
    Fast forward here I am. I’m blessed to be here but I’ll always wonder what about the art? It’s not too late. Never.
    For you, I applaud you. You are so ahead of everyone because you are facing the fears. You’re feeling the fears and going for it. That’s true courage. You are amazing.

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      Mm. Sounds just like after my first round of college when I thought I’d be a dancer…

      Suddenly my dreams weren’t taking off like I expected. I didn’t know what to do. Or how to cope. I numbed out. And my ED came in to save the day…

      Art is always going to be a part of you. It will always be in you whether you try to get rid of it or not. You can always go back to it, or have it a part of your life. It just starts with picking up that paint brush Danielle…

  9. Kat | 2nd Oct 17

    Guilt is one of those things that can go either way – it can either be truly motivating or devastingly debilitating. I’m glad to see that you’ve chose the better option 🙂
    And I most DEFINITELY feel career guilt because well, I don’t really have one! I do a hodge podge of stuff instead of fully committing to one thing because of the insecurities and fears I have over failing. Bleh…
    Kat recently posted…Banana Blondies with Caramel Frosting [GF / Vegan]My Profile

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      Give yourself grace. You are taking the time to figure yourself out. And in the mean time you ARE pursuing, embracing, risking, trying new things, and staying open. That in itself has made your life extremely successful. You’ve learned a whole slate of things you like and want to do. That’s way more than most people can say.

  10. Ellie Pell | 2nd Oct 17

    I used to feel a lot of career guilt, and I guess when I think about it too much or am in a bad mood I get down on myself for choosing this path…but actually I quite enjoy my life right now. I don’t want to think about my 10 year plan, I want to be in the moment. I am not irresponsible nor do I shy away from hard work, therefore I know I have not chosen to take any easy way out. I simply am content with what my life is right now.

    I also don’t like feeling guilty when it’s unwarranted. So I don’t think you should feel guilty babe. You’re doing fine 🙂
    Ellie Pell recently posted…Better than beforeMy Profile

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      If you enjoy your life right now, that is ALL THAT MATTERS. Isn’t that the goal?? To be happy, in the moment? Of wherever your life may be at this phase? It will change. Of course it will. But if we continually strive to keep ourselves active with what fills our soul AT THAT TIME, then I say that is a life well freaking lead.

      Thanks girl.

  11. Jamie@TheMomGene | 2nd Oct 17

    Did you ever watch She-ra? Her tagline was “princess of power”. I think that needs to be your new mantra. You rock and I love your spunk ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      PRINCESS OF POWER.

      I love you.

  12. Joyce @ The Hungry Caterpillar | 2nd Oct 17

    Career guilt. Oh my goodness Cora. So much career guilt! And I’m not even doing a fraction of what you’re doing to achieve my writing goals. I’ve said this a zallion times, but just another reminder that you work so incredibly hard and I’m always wowed by your posts about how much you juggle.
    That said, guilt is an icky feeling, and I’m sorry that you’re dealing with it on top of the stress of GI weirdness and trying to find an apartment and move in with your guy and work a service job. And glitter. That sounds like an excellent place to cry. I’m sure your friend really appreciated the card. <3
    Joyce @ The Hungry Caterpillar recently posted…Caterpillar Crawl: September 2017My Profile

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      Ugh. Yeah. I’m kind of creating a lot of stress for myself aren’t I?….. slooooowww down nelly.

      Glitter and making things for others are my grounding rocks. And Dads. They are all like big fresh inhales.

  13. chasetheredgrape | 2nd Oct 17

    Anything you do, any choices you make and their outcomes are all worth it, even the bad ones, even the ones you would go back and change if you could…. Because we learn from them and grow. Use everything you have learned to grow not feel guilty. Cora needs to pencil in time for being Cora too – otherwise career Cora is going to crumble.
    And oh my goodness that fertility bot infomercial is hilarious! I’m 32 and been married for 8 years… You know I get my fair share of this… 🙁

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      Mm. Yes. If soul-Cora is tense and crazy, career Cora ain’t going to look very good.

      Thank you for the reminder that everything – every experience, every action, every “wrong” turn – is there for a reason. To teach.

      I’m so glad you liked the informercial!!

  14. Kristy from Southern In Law | 4th Oct 17

    Yessss! The world needs a Cora rap video!

    Don’t feel guilty for feeling guilty because you’re just showing that you’re human! We all go through moments like this!
    Kristy from Southern In Law recently posted…SIL in Hawaii: Music and Magic – Two Must See Shows in HonoluluMy Profile

    • Cora | 6th Oct 17

      Aha! I could start a youtube channel. Cora gets down with 90s rap.

  15. Miss Polkadot | 7th Oct 17

    Whenever you mention guilt over not doing enough, I’m sitting here and wondering where that’s coming from. Because – and I’m not just saying this – when I read your posts, I get the very opposite impression. The image I have of you is that of this incredibly productive and hard-working lady who’s go-go-go 24/7. The kind of person I want to give a hug and tell to slowwww down and stop being so hard on herself.
    Career guilt is something I feel and increasingly so with being stuck in a job I don’t like for way too long now and no changes in sight. Major downer topic for me so moving on …
    Congratulations on getting contacted by that agent after what you felt was a terrible screening. Once again not lying here: I actually already thought they might have liked your performance much more than you did when you mentioned being unhappy with it afterwards. We’re our own worst critics – that saying’s so damn old but still worth repeating time and time again.
    On a final note: glitter therapy?! Sign me up for that. I’ve had the itch to do some old-fashioned crafting, the kind we did as children. Because yes, adulting sucks at times.
    Miss Polkadot recently posted…Self-doubt, serving sizes and SnickersMy Profile

  16. Finding Moments To Stop and Do Nothing: Necessities in a Busy Week (Week In Review) | 9th Oct 17

    […] regards to what I wrote about last week, I stand by what I said about taking action to make some changes when you feel guilty. As you know, […]

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