It’s been a coffeeshop week.
As I think you know, I’m a coffeeshop kind of person. I am often found by myself with my journal or laptop cozied away in a cafe, writing, eating a piece of baking and drinking a creamy americano. More often then not, I crave this. I crave this sense of solitude while being surrounded by the casual hub of others. I crave the subconscious external noise of door chimes, chatter and milk steaming machines. And of course, I crave baking.
Coffeeshops somehow match with my level of sensitivity. My deep thoughts are given a place to careen graciously without judgement. Somehow, I feel an allowance – a compassion – in these spaces to let my feelings run as they please.
That being said, I find I go in phases.
On roughly alternating weeks, I actually crave time at home. Sometimes the thought of sitting at my table with my own french press, news on in the background, my own ability to get up and down as I please is what feels best. I like this. I like that now I can find safety and comfort at home alone, whereas at one point this was consistently a scary, anxiety producing event, and so I would avoid it at all costs. Sometimes it still is, and so sometimes I do take off running. But I’ve proven to myself that this is not always the case and that I can survive this truly solitary time at home by myself.
The week before last was a home week. But this week…. was a coffeeshop week. I needed the comfort. I’m not sure exactly why, but my sensitivity felt a little heightened. I felt the need for softness. So that’s where it took me. I did have an upsetting day that resulted in an afternoon of tears that just would not stop (long story short I found out I forgot to cancel an appointment and was being charged $100 – which I don’t have – which triggered the #typicalme syndrome). But I think I was feeling a little extra fragile before hand, because it seemed to unlock a vast cannon of emotion.
Anyways. In the past I think I would have found a way to punish myself for this, er, frequent shortcoming of mine. But now… somehow I’ve gotten to the place where I crave self comfort. Immediately I knew I needed to show myself some love. I did not eat a salad for dinner or force myself into an adrenaline ramped home workout. Rather, I went to coffeeshops and ate my favorite baking. I spent money on myself even though that was the very thing that I was feeling upset about. I meditated and even, my god, took a nap.
Now that I’ve had a week where coffeeshops were needed, I can already feel that this coming week will be back to a home week and I will crave/be comfortable at home again.
Obviously being a coffeeshop person leads to long wordy blog posts – which I’ve now just demonstrated – apologies! But I can’t let a Monday go by without linking up with Meg’s Week In Review. Because, like coffeeshops, it makes me feel good. I may not have been super productive, but I did show myself comfort this week, which I think is one of the greatest accomplishments of all.
This week I…
Soft Baked Breakfast Brownies
Blueberry Quinoa Breakfast Bars
Vegan broccoli cheddar scone – I mean look at that broccoli!!
PS – the two strangers sitting beside me just smiled at me and said “bye bye now.” Oh happy things.
On my way back home on the streetcar – after writing this post – I was continuing to read “Quiet,” by Susan Cain and came to this paragraph:
“When I was getting ready to write this book, I carefully set up my home office, complete with uncluttered desk, file cabinets, free counter space, and plenty of natural light – and then felt too cut off from the world to type a single key. Instead, I wrote most of this book on a laptop at my favorite densely packed neighborhood cafe. The presence of the other people helped my mind to make associative leaps… The cafe had specific attributes that are absent from many modern schools and workplaces. It was social, yet its casual come-and-go-as-you-please nature left me free from unwelcome entanglements. I could toggle back and forth between observer and social actor as much as I wanted. And I could control my environment, choosing where to sit each day depending on if I wanted to be seen, or just see….”
Synchronicity is pretty lovely, isn’t it?
So I’m a coffeeshop kind of person. They are special places to me. I’ve found it fascinating in my journey – as I learn about myself and my sensitivities – to see how and why and when I crave the setting of a coffeeshop. They bring me a sense of safety. And I no longer see this as something to be ashamed of. Whether it be my introverted nature or need for space or desire for quiet connection with others, coffeeshops will always be that place that I feel most at peace.
When you crave comfort, do you see yourself at home, at a coffeeshop, or somewhere else? Alone or with others?
What did you do to take care of yourself last week?
Popping in here for a real old-school What I Ate Wednesday (er, Monday…