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Depression and HA Recovery: Self Care (Week In Review)

Depression and HA Recovery: Self Care

My Year in Review was positive

It was full of a sense of new peace and happiness that I felt, specifically in the ending months of the year. I was scared to write that post and was very hesitant to even hint at the thought that…I’m happy...because inside, I felt like I knew there would soon be a down swing. I don’t believe this is a pessimistic voice talking, but rather a realistic one, learned from experience. 

I was scared to be the “boy who cried wolf” – one moment saying I was happy and the next saying I was struggling. Who wants to listen to someone who is always going back and forth with what they say?  

Well. Here I am. Hi there. 

cookies + coffee + window seat

In the last couple of weeks, that happiness I felt skipped away somewhere, leaving me on the playground alone with a bunch of bullies. And unfortunately, a return of some very powerful depression. 

My ED has become nasty and mean. The need to exercise has become an addiction that makes me sad when I feel like I haven’t done “enough.” But of course there is no enough. My guilt and fear about eating too much has kept my mind locked. 

Why has this all gained strength now? Why, after such a relaxing, grounding holiday and end of year? Well one half of it makes tangible sense. It’s winter, which is hard for all of us. It’s cold and depressing and hard to want to go out and do anything. My job is dead and boring and completely un-soul-filling. And I’m not doing much acting.

A walk. Not the prettiest walk, but still a walk…

I’ve been working really hard to get myself out of it. I’ve been trying to be intentional about feeling happy again by pulling out all the “strategies” I have for things I know usually make me feel better. In the short term, they sorta work. But man oh man they can also make things feel so much harder.

They often make me feel more sad. 

It’s a cyclical part of the healing. When those nasty thoughts have been roused from their bed, anything that challenges them will make them upset. It often feels worse in the short term. The hope behind performing these bits of self care is that these things will add up and will eventually leave you feeling better – and stronger – in the long term. You just have to push through. Including the sadness that may come.

For my Week In Review, here are the things I did last week to and try to help myself feel better. Even if they only worked in the short term, and even if the nasty voices make me feel worse for them…


Organization, productivity and home time

On an especially low feeling day, I spent the afternoon at home in my bed, even though it was in my plan to go to the gym. I wrote my WIAW instead, which put my mind off other things

Over the course of the week, I went through my notes from my acting classes and took out the nuggets that spoke to me. This not only reminded me of their wisdom but also made me feel like I now have my notes in a more organized, simplified place. This also put my focus back onto my goals and passions. 

And… pencil crayons. Because they always make me happy. 

acting notes…. life notes?

I finished organizing my singing binder, which again made me feel organized and much more clear in my head. I now have a better sense of my song goals for this year. 

I threw out some things in my fridge that were not bringing me joy (her words ring true for every part of your home, you know).

At this very moment, I am spending the morning at home on the couch, writing this post, instead of going to the barre class I had planned to. I was feeling way too tired, so I listened to my body. 

Organization and bringing things back to simplicity make me feel clearer in my head


Seeing and baking for friends 

For most of the week, I didn’t really want to do anything and the thought of making plans just felt like too much. But, I stuck to plans with friends that I had made previously. I know being social and seeing friends has often helped in the past. Sometimes it doesn’t but I was willing to take the risk and try. 

Dan and I had a couple friends over to our place to finish a bottle of cider we’d been holding onto since the summer. One of the friends is vegan, so I made a batch of Kristy’s new chocolate coconut crunch balls along with a batch of Kat’s caramel rice krispies (that I made into ball form and drizzled with extra caramel) to set out for munchies.

baking for friends

I went to a little party one of my close friends was holding. It was a ladies clothing swap party, but was mostly a group of us girls just chatting, eating and hanging out. 


Being proactive, taking initiative and taking care of my health

I saw my chiropractor twice (a new something we are trying to treat)

I had a singing lesson

I booked another singing lesson for next week, as well as a lesson with my acting coach. 

I got myself a 45 minute massage. 

I booked an appointment to return to my dietician this coming Wednesday 

The day after my massage, I couldn’t believe how much better I felt. I felt so much lighter, both in my body and in my mind. It’s amazing how we can store emotions in our bodies.  


I talked, wrote, and took myself out

What weighs me down the most when I’m not doing well, is not talking about it. The more I don’t talk, the more the thoughts fester in my head and make me irritable around those that I love. I went too long without speaking out loud about what’s been on my mind, so the other morning, I had an open conversation with my mom who let me tell her all the seemingly irrational and crazy fears and thoughts that I’ve been having. And then the next morning, I also told Dan. 

I took myself for a really nice lunch, sat by the window, journaled, and finished my acting notes

I also talked to the negative voices. I told them they aren’t welcome anymore.


Between talking and having that massage, I can say that I am feeling a lot lighter at the end of this week. 

But…what’s the other half?  What else has made the depression rise and the nasty thoughts stronger ? 

Ever since the turn of the new year, thoughts about my health have taken a huge focus in my mind. To be honest, I didn’t really give much thought to my hypothalamic amenorria recovery last year. After “trying” the year before, I think I felt burnt out and was just kind of complacent in the spot of recovery that I am. 

Since my time in Newfoundland, however, I’ve had a lot of really heavy thoughts weighing me down. Something hit me then. Was it seeing my niece? Was it reading about all the people currently having babies? Maybe. Or, is it something to do with the happiness I felt at the end of last year? A new freedom that my toes were dipped into. Maybe taking this step “up” toward finding my authentic self has pushed me a step forward into my readiness to battle recovery. I’ve never been one to necessarily “want kids,” but…. I would like to have the choice?? I would like to be healthy. Normal.

My mind and heart has grown, and now I feel like it’s time my body catches up. It’s time my body catches up to my mind and matches the mature, smart, generous, and wise person I feel like I’ve become.


But as my will for health has gained strength in this past week – so have the nasty thoughts. They race together, side by side, up the mountain, challenging each other to not be out done. One takes one step forward, the other takes a larger step to match it.

This leaves me in a brain space of ambiguity, ridiculed with fear from all directions. 

Fear of still not having my period by the time I’m 30

Fear of not looking my age and not being taken seriously in my profession

Fear of my health, my heart, my bones

All battling against

Fear of a change in body image

Fear of looking different

It’s amazing how this latter side of my fear can actually be strong enough to battle all of its opponents.  

But I think, its like my chiropractor says. “It may get worse before its better. The work we are doing may irritate and upset your nerves, and they may try to rebel and act up. That is a good sign. It means they’re fighting harder because we are fighting harder against them.” 

Like I said, I booked an appointment with my dietician. Not that I don’t know what I need to do, but simply making this appointment and making this physical step tells my psyche that I am taking action. 

Self Care through Depression, Hypothalamic Amenorrhea and Recovery thoughts. #weekinreview #recovery #HArecovery #selfcare Click To Tweet

Thankful to Meg for her link up, and her constant motivation to have patience and grace 

Tell me,

Do you ever experience self care has being hard in the short term, but feel its effects in the long term?

Have you ever experienced feeling fear from all sides?






  1. Jamie@TheMomGene | 15th Jan 18

    Cora, you are IN IT right now. That moment before the big leap is so scary. And exhausting. But you are doing all the right things! Talking it out. Calling your dietician. It doesnโ€™t make it feel any less sucky, but your ACTIONS are correct even if the feelings havenโ€™t caught up.

    • Cora | 16th Jan 18

      Thank you for your comment, Jamie. This is what I needed to hear. “You are in it.” Thank you for always making me feel like I’m not alone and not the only one who is/has gone through what I’m experiencing.

  2. Emily Swanson | 15th Jan 18

    This is so relatable Cora; I know what you mean by coming down from a high to a LOW low. For me I think it’s often a spiritual battle, and Jesus has rescued me so many times from those low lows. It’s amazing how I need Him, or I just couldn’t keep pursuing recovery. Recovery is TOUGH. Wanting my period back was HARD, because it meant I had to do less exercise and eat more. I had to do what my mind was screaming against, but my body was saying, “YES!!!”

    I so agree that it is important to just get out and bake and take care of your physical and mental health. That 45 minute massage sounds AMAZING. And I”m so glad you talked and wrote it out; I often have to do it. It’s good for me to talk through the irrational thoughts and expose them with the truth of God’s Word instead of letting them fester in my mind.

    LOVE YOU. Please let me know how it goes Cora; I know it’s tough wanting to pursue recovery fully, but it’s SO worth it.
    Emily Swanson recently posted…Comment on Why Relationships are So Important for Recovery (Episode 47) by JamieMy Profile

    • Cora | 16th Jan 18

      Thank you Emily. That massage was a godsend. I’m ready for this. It’s going to be scary but… I’m ready.

  3. Joyce @ The Hungry Caterpillar | 15th Jan 18

    Hi Cora. My answer to both of your questions is ‘yes.’ And also, I’m sorry. What a roller coaster it’s been for you, from such a peaceful place over the holidays to a place of turmoil and doubt now.
    I think you’re really wise about how self-care doesn’t always “work” right away. Like yoga is always supposed to be the ultimate self-care thing, but to be honest, it doesn’t always feel great for me; it’s really hit and miss. I so hope your mom and Dan were supportive and helpful when you talked to them. I’m glad you got to spend time with people, too–hope it was more of the joy-bringing kind of spending time with people rather than the energy-sucking kind.
    I want to know more about colored pencil crayons.
    At risk of sounding advice-y, which I try to avoid with limited success, I also want to say to not be too hard on yourself about HA. It’s been interesting to me seeing how different women have to do completely different things to get their periods back; some just have to start eating a small amount more, but for some it’s much bigger process. Feel free to reach out via email, if that helps, and stay warm and safe.
    Joyce @ The Hungry Caterpillar recently posted…A Trip to Glenwood SpringsMy Profile

    • Cora | 16th Jan 18

      Thank you, Joyce. Yes it has been a rollercoaster, which came on very suddenly. But I have this weird feeling that I’ve had this drop/increase in “feelings” BECAUSE of the positive place I got to at the end of the year. I think the strength I felt was what had enabled these thoughts of recovery to resurface…. Like, because of them, I am ready for the thoughts of recovery to return and ready to tackle them head on.

      Everyone’s experience with HA is SO different, you are absolutely right. I still don’t know what my experience is. But I have to give it my full effort to learn.

  4. Hannah | 15th Jan 18

    I so feel the “sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn’t” aspect. Sometimes I don’t want to do a self-care thing because if I don’t feel better afterwards, I feel like I wasted the time and effort. I try not to expect to feel better instantly just because I took care of myself today, and to remind myself it’s a (probably long) process. But, ugh, I don’t think anybody really likes long processes….

    • Cora | 16th Jan 18

      Ugh, and when it doesn’t work I usually get even MORE mad or upset than I was before. Such a battle. Thank you for this idea to not out pressure on ourselves to feel better. I should know by now from experience that that’s not always the case. So to have patience.

  5. Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets | 15th Jan 18

    I have so many things to say about this post. First, I don’t know anybody who is happy all of the time. For real, that shit would be exhausting. I think you should up your vitamin D intake (hello bleak and cold winter) and embrace overcoming your HA. You are 100% right in that you’re ready and your old fears, complacent with your complacency, are suddenly fighting/screaming and kicking back at the idea of getting better. It’s those old negative thoughts trying extra hard to pull you back down. The simple fact you know that is HUGE. You got this. Keep pushing through and like everything, it will get better and easier.

    Last, I’m right there with ya. I had to employ a few strategies because I was turning into a grump. Winter has that effect on most us. We got this.
    Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets recently posted…Week in Review: Bathing Suits, Balls and Blogging (#115)My Profile

    • Cora | 16th Jan 18

      Holy smokes. I think this is exactly what I needed to hear. I didn’t even know it.

      I needed to hear, “you are ready.” And to just embrace it. Simple. Friend to friend real talk. ……I am ready! It ain’t such a big deal. I can do this.

      We can do this. I’m going out to get some more vitamin d. Hope you do the same, as well as continue with those sweat sessions, balanced with equal amounts couch and kitchen time. You’re the best.

  6. Kat | 15th Jan 18

    This is me giving you a HUGE hug. And I’m much larger than you, so imagine being completely smothered. It’s totally happening right now. Feel it? ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Recovery is a bumpy road, but that being said everyone has peaks and valleys. We all struggle from time to time – no one can be a ray of freaking sunshine 24/7 and those who appear to be that way often times hide the deepest, darkest parts of themselves to an unhealthy extent that often leads to some pretty sad endings. Just know this – you aren’t alone in this feeling and it WILL fade eventually, giving way to joy, passion and excitement. Just hang tough, keep fighting and keep that pretty head of yours up! <3
    Kat recently posted…Chocolate Chip Mug Cake [ Vegan ]My Profile

    • Cora | 20th Jan 18

      Man oh man how I would love a big ol bear-Kat hug.

      Thanks Kat. I’m sending these words right back at you. We are going to keep fighting.

  7. Sarah @ Bucket List Tummy | 15th Jan 18

    Oh this is an emotional post, my friend. I do feel like sometimes self care can be tough in the short term, but better in the long term – like you’re looking out for yourself. “Tough love” as they call it. I think making the appointment with your dietitian is a proactive positive step – even if she tells you what you know, sometimes reassurance is what we seek as humans. And getting a massage – oh the glory. You are so right that we keep emotions hidden in our aches and joints. (I really enjoyed the post you wrote about that stuff last year, I think?) Stretching has done wonders for me in releasing some stress and tension (mental tension as well). I agree that talking things out can be cathartic rather than suffering alone. I am here for you if you ever need to talk. Know that the steps you are taking now, even if difficult, will help in the long run. Saying prayers for you, my friend

    • Cora | 20th Jan 18

      Thank you Sarah.

      I did see my dietician and it was as I expected – nothing new – but someone else to give me that reassurance, validation, and support to help push me to do what I want to do (and remind me to keep going when I start to forget). It will be interesting. I feel I often don’t know what to ask or say to her. I wonder what dietitians feel they can provide in this kind of situation? She did ask some questions that definitely had me challenging the very silly “rules” I have in my brain. Embarrassing, but good to be challenged to say them out loud and see that I really have nothing to back them up.

      I booked another massage. I really couldn’t believe how helpful it was last week. I plan to make massages, stretching and gentle forms of movement a larger practice in my life to keep those tensions, and therefore mental discomforts, at bay. I t

  8. chasetheredgrape | 15th Jan 18

    Wow this really hits home for me because I have been there. Please remember you can always email me if you literally want someone to write to and list all the thoughts in your head.
    Remember you need to just take everything day by day. It’s odd, I got my period back the week of my 30th birthday! But then didn’t have another one for 6 months. It took so much time and you never know when one day something triggers and you get it back. I totally underestimated how much stress was a factor for me, I was eating the same, doing the same but once I found more ways to relax, rest and restore, that’s when my cycle returned. Listen to you, take it day by day and remember to breath. You will get there, and at the exact time you are meant to be there.

    • Cora | 20th Jan 18

      Thank you, Jen. Always. <3

  9. casey the college celiac | 15th Jan 18

    Girl, I can relate 1000% to the idea of being afraid of expressing happiness because our feelings can change quickly…and mine certainly are a rollercoaster. And I try to think of self care as an investment. It can be hard to stop go-go-going and do what you really need, but it’s worth it in the long run.
    casey the college celiac recently posted…Why I Chose “Discomfort” for My 2018 Word of the Year as Someone with FibromyalgiaMy Profile

    • Cora | 20th Jan 18

      An investment. That’s absolutely what it was. Which requires a lot of patience, trust and faith. Here’s to both of us remembering and continuing to do what’s best for us, even if it doesn’t feel like it “worked” in the moment. Hope you are well Casey <3

  10. Juli | 16th Jan 18

    This posts really hit home for me. You are saying so many things I feel but cannot express properly. I can so relate to the violent swings between delicate happiness and soul-crushing sadness. It makes me feel so stupid! And having these things that usually make you happy until they don’t work and you almost wreck them a little. But I think you’re doing the right thing by keep trying. Push through it! You can do this! I think in times of sadness (and probably winter is a huge factor in this) it’s so easy to crawl back into a shell and listen to negative thoughts and feel all the negative feelings. And of course old and establish coping strategies even when we know for sure how wrong they are are the first ones we turn to.
    I have experienced the same regarding my period as well. I didn’t have one for over 5 years and while my body recovered my cycle just didn’t come back. I didn’t mind for the first few years as I was focused on the recovery of the more severely damaged areas of my body. In the end my doctor suggested hormonal treatment and I went with it. It was a bit uncomfortable and made me feel like a failure but it worked. Maybe this is something you could talk about with your doctor. Even if you don’t go with it having a possible backup plan might lift the pressure a little!
    Juli recently posted…Week in Review โ€“ So this is 2018My Profile

    • Cora | 20th Jan 18

      Wow, thank you Juli for sharing that part of your story. I did not know.

      Yes, the big swings in mood and emotion are definitely able to make me feel like a non-pleasant person to want to know or be around. Makes me feel dumb, needy, silly, dramatic, annoying. But I have to remind myself that I probably feel it a lot more than people are aware of it. I know it’s all coming from inside me, so I’m learning to not extend that energy out to others. But I think we also need to know that others will still love us despite our “mood” shifts, and that’s just part of who we are. Better to be complicated than boring…..ya?

  11. danielle | 16th Jan 18

    ohhhhh well, you know there is no such thing as normal, and if there were who cares, right? who wants to be normal? well ok, I guess we do. I used to… but not anymore. Being you is so much more interesting and fabulous. You are PERFECT! you may not feel it, but that’s the thing. Art is perfect the way it is. We don’t look at paintings or masterpieces and want to change the hair color or physiques right?? i know I sound like self-help. no surprise.
    Your chiropractor is right.. when you release your body and soul from the harmful ways and harmful cycle, your body will go through changes. Change is hard, even when it’s for the better. Hell, labor is hell! it hurts like hell and then you end up with a miracle. But it’s not easy, so there you go. YOu might have to endure some discomfort to get to your miracle. And you will. Just know you will….
    and I hate periods. trust me they suck and i miss not having one. don’t fret, so many women have gone years and years without having them, then got them and made families, or didn’t, but they healed.
    you can heal, and you are healing. lulu and i believe in YOU. <3

    • Cora | 20th Jan 18

      I really have no idea what normal even is. It’s such a made up word. I am my normal. You are your normal. And together we make a beautiful world. Thank you Danielle. I’m feeling such a pull toward grace and slowness and compassion. I think I’m finally ready to embrace some discomfort…. but with that, embrace some more peace.

  12. Kristy from Southern In Law | 17th Jan 18

    Girl, I am sending you HUGE hugs. You are worth it. You are beautiful and you are so much stronger than you think โค๏ธ
    Kristy from Southern In Law recently posted…Recipe: Vegan Chocolate Peanut Butter Crunch Bars (Gluten Free & Refined Sugar Free!)My Profile

    • Cora | 20th Jan 18

      Thank you Kristy <3

  13. Sophia | 17th Jan 18

    Hey Cora,
    Just wanted to let you know that as a long-time (albeit pretty quiet!) follower of your blog, I am so rooting for you right now and have tremendous faith in your ability to take the next step forward in your journey. I feel like your thoughts here are a perfect reflection of where I’m at in my life, and I am so thankful to know that there is someone else who is having a similar experience… and is still proving to be a strong and beautiful person! Winter sadness is the worst, but I’m just trying to surround myself with my friends and generalized silliness (perhaps easier to find on a college campus, but it’s everywhere if you look!!). Hope that this post and the comments that followed are helping you to make the next leap, knowing that you are supported from all angles! Sending love and happy vibes your way! <3

    • Cora | 20th Jan 18

      Hey Sophia,

      Always so wonderful to hear from you, and thank you for your beautiful support. I am feeling supported – because I think for the first time I’m allowing myself to feel supported – does that make sense? And with that, I am feeling ready to take this next step.

      Thinking of you are as you are living your own journey I hope you are finding feelings of support underneath you, and grace within you, as you take your steps forward.

  14. Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table | 17th Jan 18

    Being able to recognize it and take those steps to take care of yourself is HUGE! Doing that can be so hard. Give yourself a big hug and a high five. Also, send me some of those rice krispy balls. ;

    • Cora | 20th Jan 18

      Rice krispy balls being hukked your way! Thanks Laura ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. Ellie Pell | 17th Jan 18

    What a hard week Cora. I don’t have anything to offer except an ear (or text) to listen. You know how strong you are and have taken the correct steps this week to get back in the right headspace. Never hesitate to reach out ๐Ÿ™‚
    Ellie Pell recently posted…The First Van CrisisMy Profile

    • Cora | 20th Jan 18

      Thanks Ellie. I will use you as a support as long as you’ll have me ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. Heather | 18th Jan 18

    Cora, this is such a lovely and heartfelt post. I can totally sympathize with your desire to get better and your previous desire to put it on the back burner. ED are so complicated and they do such amazing things to our psyche. All I can say is that I am sending love and strength your way. Iโ€™m not sure I recovered from my ED (or will ever recover for that matter), but I can tell you that I did recover from HA. Iโ€™m not sure if it was the seed cycling, the progesterone supplement, or just the fact that I stopped working out except for long walks for a while. I finally just got so tired of it all, you know?
    All this is to say: you are amazing and I have faith in you.

    • Cora | 20th Jan 18

      Oh Heather. This was such a beautiful treat to see you pop up here. Thank you. I know you have had such a huge journey of your own in this regard with a lot of disappointment, sadness, frustration. I am just entering a world you’ve been – unfortunately – well adversed in. So thank you for sharing. Especially your honesty.

      … I am tired off it, too.

  17. Kaylee | 18th Jan 18

    First of all, I can empathize with you on the being fear of being happy. It sucks living where you’re skeptical of your own happiness–waiting for the crash rather than enjoying the moment. Guh ๐Ÿ™

    I am so sorry to hear about your struggles with the ED as of late. But I am glad to hear you keep trying and trying and trying despite these thoughts, employing those strategies of yours. The massage (aaahhh so relaxing!)…the colored pencils (I’ve been into coloring again too!)…the organizing (been digging this one too. It brings so much peace to my noisy mind!)…the reaching out to loved ones (that takes strength!)…

    On the note of the struggles of self-care, not sure if this is what you were getting at exactly but for me I struggle with wanting an immediate result of the self-care on my happiness. So yes, in the short-term, it can be hard and make me feel even worse about myself when it feels like those activities aren’t working.

    I want you to let you know that I feel you. After a disappointing meeting with my dietician last week after a month off, it’s frustrating to feel like my mind and my body aren’t in the same place, like something’s not matching up. But I don’t know what to do anymore (but like you I really do know what to do). It makes me feel almost like I’m being fake. That I’m not really being true to my own self. My body is making me doubt my mind.

    • Cora | 20th Jan 18

      I wish we weren’t skeptical. I think we should stop that. I think we should start to just recognize that the dips and valleys are part of life. They will happen. But when we feel happy… to simply embrace it and live in it, in the moment. The dip will come but who cares. At that moment, we are happy. I’m down for this plan if you are…?

      And regarding the self care – yes you hit it on the head. I expect instant results. Immediate “release” of the negative thoughts. I want some big buddha moment where the clouds part and I feel like my soul has awaken. Haha. And when that doesn’t happen I’m like…… oh. This is actual work. That takes more than one shot. Well damn.

      I so get the fake feelings. I SO get it. Just… oh gosh… just keep plugging Kaylee. Keep being honest with your dietician. Something will click. Just have to wait for it.

  18. Susie @ Suzlyfe | 19th Jan 18

    Ok, let’s start with a hug.
    I wish I had a solution for you. Part of it is time, getting out of the dodrums of winter, self care, and, honestly, medication.
    I have dealt with hormonal imbalance and depression on and off for over a decade. But being pregnant… it righted so much of that. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have anxiety issues, or mini breakdowns. That everything is perfect. But for the first time in a decade, I feel like MYSELF again. I smile. I laugh (loudly). I have lost so much of the intensity and seriousness that made me an amazing student but also took me from one extreme to the other.
    I am terrified that after I have my little girl, that I will lose this. That I will go back to Big Bad Suz.
    The problem for those of us with depression is that we are scared when we deal with it, scared when we see the light. And we are our own hardest critic. We hate giving ourselves grace.
    I hope that you can find grace for yoursef, my sweet Cora. Love you.
    Susie @ Suzlyfe recently posted…39 Weeks (Friday Catch Up 1/19)My Profile

    • Cora | 22nd Jan 18

      What a beautiful, wonderful thing that you have found this new sense of peace, contentment, release and JOY through your pregnancy Suz. And I don’t believe you will lose it. Not if you are so aware of where you’ve come from and where you currently are. There are going to be a whole slew of other difficulties come your way, many of which you not have even seen coming, but knowing this place that you have found yourself now means you can never fully go back to where you were (even if “Big Bad Suz” is still a beautiful amazing person).

      We are scared of when we deal with the depression and see the light. Why is that..?

  19. Alicia | 20th Jan 18

    Your post is awesome! You have taken right steps. By the way, these rice Krispy ball looks delicious. How can I make them!
    Alicia recently posted…Best Electric Deep Fryers for 2018 โ€“ Top Models Reviewed!My Profile

  20. Nicole @ Laughing My Abs Off | 31st Jan 18

    You are doing so wonderfully! It really sucks when after a really great period, a really low one hits like a truck. But you are making the most of this time, and I love that you are using this not-that-great time as a learning experience and catalyst for change. Also major props for talking to your loved ones, sticking to plans with friends, and taking proactive steps toward helping your health– those things are NOT easy and you should be so so proud of yourself. As Dumbledore said, “happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Wishing you the best of luck on your journey to heal your HA (I know how frustrating that road is, and I can only imagine how hard it is if you think you may want children.)
    Nicole @ Laughing My Abs Off recently posted…What I Ate Wednesday {Busy Times}My Profile

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