I first have to kind of apologize. I just feel like a super bad blogger right now. Not that I feel I need apologize for that. I just feel like I have so much going on right now – so much mess and experimenting in terms of my food and stomach issues – that it makes blogging super, super hard (not to mention way too many shifts at work and a change in how I want to spend my free time). I’d love to sit down and write about things I’m feeling or things that are going on, but the truth is things are so constantly changing and shifting that I can’t do that. One moment I think something and the next moment, it has changed. I feel like I’d be a constant portrayal of The Boy Who Cried Wolf if I was putting out posts right now.
I hope to get back to more writing once I have a few answers and things start to feel a bit clearer.
My time right now needs to be going to other things. Thinking, relaxing, and my artistic passions
Onto this past week…
This was such a flip-flop week. Geez louise. The first half of it, Monday – Thursday, were positively wonderful. Even amongst continual stomach distress, I had so many lovely moments and feelings. And then, starting Thursday afternoon, everything kind of went hay wire.
Before I get to that though, I want to focus on the really wonderful moments of this week.
This week I….
…still can’t miss Meg’s Week In Review!
Had a wonderful 24 hours with Dan. We began our apartment search! Yes, we are moving in together. November 1st. We spent the holiday Monday walking around a few areas of Toronto that we wanted to explore as possible living quarters. We learned about an area, which we thought was a possible, that we definitely do not want to live in. That in itself made the day a success.
We had a bunch of time to kill so we literally spent a number of hours just sitting together – both very tired – in a cafe. Then in a park. No media, no entertainment, just… sitting and relaxing and being bored together. As “boring” as it technically was, we both agreed we felt amazing at the end of it and our excitement in wanting to live together was just that much more confirmed.
Found a new favourite coffee shop 🙂
On Wednesday, I had an early morning ultrasound. Not the funnest way to start a day, but laying on a hospital bed for almost an hour was pretty relaxing.
And then, all in that same day I…
Had the most incredible singing lesson. I’m learning things I’ve never learned before in all my years of training. My mind was bloowwwnnn and I felt so excited afterwards.
Met one of my best friends for coffee at my favorite cafe, Toris, in the beaches – which was all together so wonderful, as always. I then took myself down to the beach and just strolled the boardwalk and sat looking out at the water.
This was all to kill time before an acting lesson I had in the area with a teacher I knew from school. It was so incredible. Gah. It reminded me that – yes – I am an actor, and this is what I do.
So, two incredible coachings in one day to remind myself of my artistry and FILL my soul up with everything that makes it happy, plus time with a friend and time by the beach, all left me feeling so grounded. I was so happy by the end of this day. So grounded and happy.
Monologue and play reading by the beach
And then came Thursday.
Starting Thursday afternoon I started experiencing some very intense burning sensations all over my stomach. Plus some new-to-me localized pains in my lower stomach. Up ’till now I haven’t had any pains in my lower region, and have never experienced an all-encompassing burning such as this (think intense heart burn but from the sternum down to the belly button). These pains and this burning continued on for the following two days, more so in the afternoon and evening after I ate. On Friday I came home from work, unbelievably fatigued, and slept for two hours. I never do that. I got up, went out for a bit, came home, and almost took myself to the emergency. I don’t know if it was more the mental or physical anguish, but it was the first time all this stomach distress has put me to tears.
I did not end up going to the hospital. I’m just trying to sort it all out right now. But if this new stuff continues, or gets worse, then I am going to take myself in.
Needless to say, Thursday – Sunday, my entire life revolved around figuring out what is going on. I did a lot of reading about different possibilities and have found some things that match my symptoms. I’ve been pretty scared, to be honest with you, and I just don’t know why – despite all my efforts – things are actually getting worse. I’m not going to say anything more about my thoughts until I see someone. I see my NP again this Wednesday, so will get the results from my ultrasound and blood tests I had done, and will obviously talk about all this new stuff that is happening. I want to write about all my thoughts and feelings to do with all my eating and stomach changes. I just need a bit more clarity before doing so.
Amidst the days of scary pain, I took myself to see King Lear in Shakespeare in High Park for some hopeful soul soothing/distraction. It was very well done, and still very soothing to do something I love. I just couldn’t enjoy it as much as usual. My focus was a little swayed.
So uh, yeah. My focus is kind of one sided right now. I’ll see how today and the next couple days go with everything, and just really hope something can be resolved, soon.
Thank you all so much for your comments lately. They’ve seriously meant so much to me.My week of soothing days amongst increasing stomach pains. #weekinreview #passions #love #health Click To Tweet
What made your soul happy last week??