Well, here we are again.
I wish I could say a lot has changed since last week, but unfortunately that’s not the case. It was a challenge to not simply start my post the exact same way I did last time.
I’m feeling pretty freaking jaded right now. About life, in general.
Well okay on Friday when I started writing this I was feeling jaded. Now Saturday – as I’m finishing- I’m just feeling really tired.
I know I stand in the middle with all the power to choose to either a) be angry, bitter and a grey, pessimistic, cloud of resentment or b) keep moving on, have hope and see the positives in life.
To be honest I’m to really sure which side I’ve chosen yet. I know I don’t have to sink into all the negatives and hopelessness, but sometimes it just feels SO MUCH BETTER TO BE A DARK FREAKING CLOUD OF PESSIMISM.
So I kind of just want to be that.
And then of course once I post this I will feel guilty and embarrassed for being such a non-inspiring pessimist and wish I was one of those people who always finds a way to see the cup as half full.
Like Suz. Her ability to always see what she has to be grateful for amazes me.
Or my beautiful German friend who sees and writes a happy inducing moment at the end of each and every post.
I went to six house viewings this past week. Six. I am in no way exaggerating when I say this apartment hunt has been taking all my time. We simply can’t compete with a full time salary. We just can’t.
How are any sort of free-living artists ever supposed to find a place to live!?
to the death ridiculously – like, I’m exhausted – for a place. I should be hearing the results any moment now.
I received notification that I did not get the Shakespeare job that I was hoping for. Hoping, but more so, really just thought I would have been a definite candidate – considering all my experience with very similar types of performing and teaching in my past. I know my interview was good. I guess I just don’t understand.
I totally sucked at my film class this week. I simply made the wrong character choice, based on something I did against my intuition, and felt really stupid and full of regret afterward.
Went to a commercial audition and again, did something that I felt totally stupid about afterward.
I spent two days in rehearsal and made a few really dumb mistakes, which made me feel very embarrassed and completely unworthy.
And I found bed bugs in my pillow. Threw it out. Is it awful that I just don’t have the energy to care much about this one? I’ll just throw all my bedding out when I do – eventually – move and shell out money for all new stuff.
Now if I were to try and be a shining light of inspiration, I would force myself to remember what Meg’s Week In Review is really about: seeing the little accomplishments, the silver linings, and give myself a freaking pat on the back even when I feel completely non deserving of it. It can be so hard to do sometimes.
So if that were the case, I would say…
What made it home (missing a couple items…)
Well, goddammit. I do feel better. Just when you want to stay immersed in your grey pessimist cloud of misery, you take someone’s advice to focus on the positives and that very convincing cloud starts to dissipate. Even just a little. I mean I still feel jaded, haha. It all just sucks. I can’t wait to be able to write a post when my life isn’t consumed with this apartment bull-crap….for your sake as much as mine.
But it will come.
And I will try to not be such a glump.
Thanks all.Taking time to be a pessimist. Give me your rant. #weekinreview with @cleaneatsfast #jaded Click To Tweet
Alright so now that I’ve had my chance to sink into my pessimist glump cloud, your turn. I give you FULL permission to give me your biggest, whiniest rant. You may actually feel better afterward.
…But then tell me something that’s good.
Not a hugely exciting week. But I did get a few nice things…