logo
Food Advertising by

Week In Review: Taking Time To Be a Pessimist

Well, here we are again. 

I wish I could say a lot has changed since last week, but unfortunately that’s not the case. It was a challenge to not simply start my post the exact same way I did last time

I’m feeling pretty freaking jaded right now. About life, in general. jaded pessimist week in review

Well okay on Friday when I started writing this I was feeling jaded. Now Saturday – as I’m finishing-  I’m just feeling really tired

I know I stand in the middle with all the power to choose to either a) be angry, bitter and a grey, pessimistic, cloud of resentment or b) keep moving on, have hope and see the positives in life. 

To be honest I’m to really sure which side I’ve chosen yet. I know I don’t have to sink into all the negatives and hopelessness, but sometimes it just feels SO MUCH BETTER TO BE A DARK FREAKING CLOUD OF PESSIMISM. 

So I kind of just want to be that. 

life isn't a fairytale pessimist week in review

 

And then of course once I post this I will feel guilty and embarrassed for being such a non-inspiring pessimist and wish I was one of those people who always finds a way to see the cup as half full. 

Like Suz. Her ability to always see what she has to be grateful for amazes me. 

Or my beautiful German friend who sees and writes a happy inducing moment at the end of each and every post. life half full pessimist week in review

I went to six house viewings this past week. Six. I am in no way exaggerating when I say this apartment hunt has been taking all my time. We simply can’t compete with a full time salary. We just can’t.

How are any sort of free-living artists ever supposed to find a place to live!?  

 

nomad pessimist week in review

 

I’ve fought to the death ridiculously – like, I’m exhausted – for a place.  I should be hearing the results any moment now. 

I received notification that I did not get the Shakespeare job that I was hoping for. Hoping, but more so, really just thought I would have been a definite candidate – considering all my experience with very similar types of performing and teaching in my past. I know my interview was good. I guess I just don’t understand. 

I totally sucked at my film class this week. I simply made the wrong character choice, based on something I did against my intuition, and felt really stupid and full of regret afterward. 

Went to a commercial audition and again, did something that I felt totally stupid about afterward. 

I spent two days in rehearsal and made a few really dumb mistakes, which made me feel very embarrassed and completely unworthy. 

And I found bed bugs in my pillow. Threw it out. Is it awful that I just don’t have the energy to care much about this one? I’ll just throw all my bedding out when I do – eventually – move and shell out money for all new stuff. 

Now if I were to try and be a shining light of inspiration, I would force myself to remember what Meg’s Week In Review is really about: seeing the little accomplishments, the silver linings, and give myself a freaking pat on the back even when I feel completely non deserving of it. It can be so hard to do sometimes.

So if that were the case, I would say…

  • Despite some things which, given hindsight I would have now done differently, and despite this feeling like I should have done things better, I have worked hard at all my house applying. All my references gave me “glowing” referrals. So at least I’ve gotten reassurance that I am a good person. 
  • This was only my second professional, high paying commercial audition, so I’m still just getting used to it and learning the dos and not dos. I have to give myself compassion for that. 
  • I sucked in class but that just means I learned a big lesson and can come back this week and do what I know I can do. 
  • Stage managing my rehearsals – I really tried. I tried to stay on top of all the notes and be there for what they needed. I messed up sometimes and missed some things, but I really did try. I got myself there and back, packing my breakfasts and lunches, and have taken a number of shifts off work to dedicate myself to this. 
  • I took a nice morning walk, in some really beautiful fresh fall air, to the farmers market and treated myself to a bunch of baking and a kabocha

pessimist week in review

What made it home (missing a couple items…)

  • I picked up a number of plays from the library I had put on hold

pessimist week in review

  • I brought home some boxes from work
  • I baked brownies to bring to my co-workers

pessimist week in review

  • I replied to comments and read my friends’ blogs. I’ve been taking more time to just veg and read your guys’ stuff – not to mention spending WAY too much time on pinterest – rather than get out my own posts.  I’ve just been too tired and so the more mind-easy reading and total-vegging has been all my soul, body and brain has wanted. And coffee. 

 

 

Well, goddammit. I do feel better. Just when you want to stay immersed in your grey pessimist cloud of misery, you take someone’s advice to focus on the positives and that very convincing cloud starts to dissipate. Even just a little. I mean I still feel jaded, haha. It all just sucks. I can’t wait to be able to write a post when my life isn’t consumed with this apartment bull-crap….for your sake as much as mine.

But it will come. 

And I will try to not be such a glump. 

Thanks all. 

Taking time to be a pessimist. Give me your rant. #weekinreview with @cleaneatsfast #jaded Click To Tweet

Alright so now that I’ve had my chance to sink into my pessimist glump cloud, your turn. I give you FULL permission to give me your biggest, whiniest rant. You may actually feel better afterward. 

…But then tell me something that’s good. 

 

 

21 COMMENTS

  1. Miss Polkadot | 23rd Oct 17

    Ach verdammt, das ist doch scheiße. <- That would be me swearing in German because we have to keep things polite here ;). No but really: Ugh. Big ugh and big big hugs. I seriously do not understand life currently throwing curveballs at you for weeks (months if we’re looking at the apartment hunt) on end. Add me to the people wondering how in the world artists or other people without a stable full income find apartments. There has to be a way!? Also not understanding why you didn't get the Shakespeare job [and, if I'm allowed to add my own recent woe, why I didn't even get invited to an interview for the job that was essentially made for me (according to friends)].
    Just to be fully honest here: I, too, have my gloomy moments and days. Sundays actually tend to be just that on the regular. Nevertheless, I’m happy you did find some silver linings amidst the ish. And can I please add that you’re not a good human but a truly amazing one-of-a-kind soul?! Hard-working, caring and all-around lovable human being.
    And all those mistakes you felt you made? First off, you’re probably judging yourself harsher than any of your audiences. Most people really don’t notice the things we consider major flaws.
    (Not giving you my whiniest rant here and for the time being also holding off on sending that long not-all-positive life update mail I’ve been working on. You’ve got enough going on in your life already.)
    Miss Polkadot recently posted…Week in Review: The spontaneous and happy one.My Profile

    • Cora | 26th Oct 17

      Ah man. I’m sorry to hear about you not getting that job. Sounds like the EXACT experience as mine. It just doesn’t make sense. But we just have to keep believing what others say – “that it wasn’t meant to be” – because, what other choice do we have? Even if it isn’t true, it helps me to just choose to believe it.

      Thank you for your kind words, as always. I do try to remind myself that what I notice probably is’t even half as noticed by others, as I think they are (especially if they are men… we all know they take in a little less than us women).

      When/if you do feel like venting/ranting… message away.

  2. Susie @ Suzlyfe | 23rd Oct 17

    I think it is so funny that everyone thinks I am such an optimist. I AM SO NOT. Alex is the optimist in our relationship. I’m the point blank,”I have a stress fracture,” — 5 days before seeing the doctor! I’m the point blank realist. I know that the world owes me NOTHING. It has proven so on many occasions.
    Something that I have been focusing on instead of late is something that I realized over the past few months and was reinforced by none other than the Real Housewives of NYC. When you are feeling down, remember what you are good at/blessed with:
    For example, I (and you, from what I can tell), am INCREDIBLY lucky in my relationships. I have the MOST incredible people around me. They clip me when I’m being a snarky asshole, they hug me when I need it, and they come out of the woodwork when I’m down.
    I am NOT lucky/blessed/whatever with great success in business (to the point that I thought I should be). I’ve been screwed over and under and side to side more times than I can count, and it has affected how I deal with situations. But it also has helped me put greater emphasis on working with amazing people, which cultivates the prior point.
    And let’s face it, bone health and me… wellllllllll…. but I have GREAT doctors and great people who are there.
    My point is this: get the feels out. Have your DAMN IT moment. And then, as hard as it freaking is, focus on what you are GREAT at: relationships. And tell them that you need help. It is far more selfish to go down in a blaze of NOT glory than to get down, ask for help, get backup, and return the favor later. Right?
    Right. BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS RIGHT.xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    Susie @ Suzlyfe recently posted…Removing the Stressors, Automating Errands, and Enjoying Life (Weekend Recap)My Profile

    • Cora | 26th Oct 17

      Well I think the point that you’ve decided/chosen/learned to – as the world knocks you down in one area – put a greater positive emphasis on the things you DO have – is exactly what I meant here. I don’t really like to focus on what I am “good” at. When other things aren’t going right I get spiteful and don’t really care about these things. Because I always want what I don’t have, right? But this is where I’d like to do more work. To let go of that need to “have it all.” I do have wonderful, wonderful relationships.

  3. Emily Swanson | 23rd Oct 17

    I was so blessed by your comment on the blog. And you made me think about how I wrote that post a little too quickly, so I went back and edited. Also, I am so grateful for you Cora; I am grateful that you remind me to take walks and enjoy the outdoors, to slow down and love some good baked goodies.

    Often times life can be so hard, but I’ve found so much hope in the fact that Jesus Christ can heal and save people. I have seen His saving work in my life again in the past week after struggling with depression and just being more sad lately. I’ve found so much joy and peace this week.

    I wish I could give you a hug and take you out to coffee and just listen to you. <3
    Emily Swanson recently posted…Comment on There Is So Much Hurt in the World But So Much Hope . . . by Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeetsMy Profile

    • Cora | 26th Oct 17

      I hope you can continue grasping on to those feelings of joy and peace, Em. Especially as you are settling back at home. Thinking of you.

  4. Jamie@TheMomGene | 23rd Oct 17

    Be a glump as long as you need. I think it’s therapeutic and healthy to feel all the feels (even the bad ones). I don’t want the Sunshine Care Bear for a friend. I want the honest one.

    Here’s to hoping the apartment hunting FINALLY resolves and you can move on to nesting in a bug-free zone.

  5. Sarah @ Bucket List Tummy | 23rd Oct 17

    Girl, I feel ya. Weeks like these SUCK. And we all have them, they are just part of life, unfortuately. You are allowed to be sad and mad and pessimistic because life has ups and downs. I like Suz’s point to think about the good you do have in your life. Looks to me like you’re still doing a great job of eating yummy muffins and brownies. XO, sending you love, dear.
    Sarah @ Bucket List Tummy recently posted…The Coolest Thing about Farming + Harvest Peanut TourMy Profile

  6. Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets | 23rd Oct 17

    While it is great to focus on the positives, there is nothing wrong with taking some time to let out all the negative energy and say grumble, grumble, cuss, cuss, swear, swear. It’s therapeutic to recognize it and wallow in it for a minute, just not all day. If you keep ignoring it, it’ll ultimately crop up in other and much less productive ways so no guilt over the grumping.

    Some weeks are simply meant to be learning curves. Just think in another month or two, the apartment business (and bed bugs) will be completely behind you. You got this. Keep on, keeping.
    Meghan@CleanEatsFastFeets recently posted…Week in Review: The Fall Edition (#105)My Profile

  7. chasetheredgrape | 23rd Oct 17

    Oh Cora sometimes all we need to do is feel and sit in the funk. There is no point being all smiles and rainbows if deep down inside you feel so far from that. Life likes to throw us a big heap of crap sometimes… It’s ok to feel the suck.
    That being said, you did so well to turn some of those things around. Or just to pull yourself away to focus on things you know make you feel good. Like banana bread… Banana bread always makes me smile. Yesterday I had the last slice of one I made last week… It was exactly what I needed!

  8. Joyce @ The Hungry Caterpillar | 23rd Oct 17

    You’re so right, Cora. Sometimes it does feel better–more satisfying–to be crabby and angry and frustrated than focus on the “bright side.” Sometimes stuff is frustrating and lousy. Like your apartment search. Is the housing market really tight in Toronto? (Have I already asked this and just forgotten how you responded? :S ) It makes sense why landlords approve certain tenants over others but also, like, you’re human and therefore you need a place to live. Jeez louise. I’m sorry that this is going so crummily for you.
    I have another book recommendation for you. It’s hard for me to imagine that you have time to read but if you do, Smile or Die by Barbara Ehrenreich is a great one. It’s a really good critique of the way that the “think positive” mindset can invalidate certain really legitimate and important reasons to be angry and upset about the way the world is. Might not make you feel better, but a great read nonetheless.
    Joyce @ The Hungry Caterpillar recently posted…Some Thoughts on Self-Advocacy, IBS, and Disordered EatingMy Profile

  9. Hannah | 24th Oct 17

    I support the occasional wallow in pessimism. I think acknowledging the suck is an important step in pushing through it.

    I also support throwing out bed bug-infested pillows. Sometimes the easiest way of dealing with crap is the best way.

  10. Kristy from Southern In Law | 24th Oct 17

    Girl, we can’t always be positive – that’s unrealistic!

    A whinge from me… hmm…

    I’m so busy at the moment with work (which is amazing) but I’m also a little bit shitty because I wish I had more time to do what I want. Can’t have it all!
    Kristy from Southern In Law recently posted…SIL in Hawaii: The Wild Side of WaikikiMy Profile

  11. Alyssa | 24th Oct 17

    I think it’s so important to just rant or be negative sometimes. We need to let out this energy from time to time and it’s impossible to always be smiling and happy. Hmm… here comes my rant: i’m feeling overwhelmed by one of my classes- i went into it excited but he is turning poetry into something of such preciseness with quizzes and memorization. i don’t like it! also have a sore throat and hoping it turns into nothing worse!
    Alyssa recently posted…Let GoMy Profile

  12. danielle | 24th Oct 17

    isn’t it cool how this listing business can turn a mood from sour to sweet? or at least a bit less sour? it’s like a good reminder that actually some good things happened and not every single thing during the week was shite. i mean we all have shite weeks, but even the shittiest of weeks have some small silver linings. and hey, brownies.
    i can always find something to whine about… but it’s tuesday. and i made it here another day. somehow amongst all the crazy shite that is life i let my husband sign me up for a marathon that at least we will both run together. so now on top of my crazy shite, my body is a bit sore. and here i am with about 2 months to go to the marathon and needing to remind myself that i’s OK. my body is going to be sore. marathon training does have some soreness that accompanies it. its OK. i’m not broken. that part of me that thinks taht because i had my spine fused, that each pain is because of my back or that i’m fallilng to pieces, that is just a voice i need to quiet. sometimes i’m not sure if i’m in pain or if im’ a puss. that’s a tough one. usually my pain tolerance is too high, so now i’m trying to be a friend to myself and really take my own hand and guide myself gently down this path. this will be my first marathon where my body and i are friends.. and i am treating myself as a friend. what a concept 🙂

  13. Ellie Pell | 24th Oct 17

    What a let down of a week. To be honest, at least things will most likely look up this week. If they don’t start writing a one woman screen play of the (sometimes) shit hole life an actor in Canada has to go through before she makes it big. Because you know, you will end up doing exactly what you are supposed to. That’s how it works out every time 🙂 <3
    Ellie Pell recently posted…Budget Meal: Cinnamon Roll Slow Cooker OatsMy Profile

  14. Casey the College Celiac | 24th Oct 17

    GIRL, I feel you on a spiritual level. I’m reaching the burn out stage of the semester, and I really want to just curl up in bed and do nothing but watch Netflix all day. Add in some surprise medical bills and today kinda sucked.

    BUT…I’m realizing that I sincerely do enjoy teaching and I enjoy seeing my students improve in their writing after my lessons!
    Casey the College Celiac recently posted…The Happy Belly Roasted Veggie Salad (Gluten Free, Vegan)My Profile

  15. Nicole @ Laughing My Abs Off | 25th Oct 17

    Aww lovey, that’s so frustrating, and you’re really so strong for still finding all those positives! It will get better, I promise, and I think it makes sense to accept the suckiness sometimes, to really FEEL it, because then we can accept it and sort of realize that okay, we can get through this because this is temporary and pretty fixable and not all that important in the very grand scope of things. Even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. So sending all the good vibes!

  16. It's Over! What I Learned From The "Month From Hell" | 26th Oct 17

    […] place I mentioned in my Monday post about having fought tooth and nail for…  we got it. Man oh man it took everything […]

  17. Kaylee | 28th Oct 17

    Don’t forget to recognize that those negative things are still accomplishments too. I mean, 6 houses?!! Holy cow. I’ve gone apartment searching with my family in the past and after 2 I’m dead. They all start looking alike. So that’s a huge accomplishment in itself! And even though you ‘sucked’ (because i really don’t think you truly sucked) at film class, you showed up for class. That’s a win there too.

    Just finished reading the more optimistic side of your post. Glad you turned that frown sorta upside down. Or at least less frowny.

    I am kinda miffed with myself for spending so much time in bed this morning, mindlessly scrolling through my phone. I know it’s such a small thing to stress over but I feel like I’ve already fallen behind on my day. Considering I have a busy weekend ahead, there were things that I ‘needed’ to get done and wasn’t really able to do. On that note, something good are all those upcoming plans with friends and family.

  18. Week In Review: A Messy Wonderful Week of Auditions and (not) Packing | 30th Oct 17

    […] Had rehearsal Tuesday-Friday. Rehearsals in which I did not feel stupid at  […]

Leave A Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

logo
Food Advertising by