Last week wasn’t that fun guys.
I’m just feeling so. bloody. tired. Physically, like crud. My body doesn’t want to move. All week I felt heavy and could barely keep my eyes open – even at work standing up. And with that, my mood has been pretty low. Motivation and care is nearly zilch. I don’t know if it was more the weather (rainy and cloudy all week), my daily 5:30 am wake ups, taking on some negative energy at work, or my goddamn complete lack of digestion that was the main culprit to my lethargy. Probably an unfortunate mix of all four, though I feel like that last one – my digestion (or lack thereof) – is playing a larger part than I’d like it to play.
I just felt full. all. week. Like… nothing’s moving.
Although, what comes first? I know that when I am feeling low I also feel really full and not hungry. I also know that when I am taking on negative energies, everything feels heavy and my stomach physically goes into a knot. Its a crazy, but oh so prevalent, mind-body connection.
So, yeah. This physical heaviness dragged me down hella hard. And then of course, eating when you aren’t hungry just brings up a lot of other depressive emotions. Though ironically, I’m really too tired to listen to those voices or care that all I’m eating is bread and sugar. And I’m too tired to stress about or make choices, which is oddly nice. Funny how the tables turn in that way.
Apart from the possible mind connection part of it, the hysical component does make sense. My counsellor and I had a good session about the difference between being “bloated,” and being “full,” and after she literally had to explain the physical feelings of each one (for how the hell would I know – miss zero digestion or hunger cues) we decided that I was actually feeling “bloated.” Not full. Bloated meaning – my digestive system just isn’t passing anything through and so things are staying in their place. My digestive system isn’t used to sending out those enzymes needed to break down certain things or certain quantities, so it is going to take some time for those little workers to come back from their hibernation. I know that the weight gain and “re-feeding” process (I always hated that term) comes with a phase of fatigue. My body is doing double duty, after all, to try to digest AND begin the healing process for whatever is damaged in there. It just… sucks. For both my body and spirit. But I know I have to push through and continue “fueling the fire” in order to get it to start burning. I just hope things start moving soon.
So…I was basically a zombie from Wednesday on, without the energy to even open my computer screen once home in the evening. So there was a lack of blog reading and I did not get out the post or two I had wanted to. I just couldn’t.
But as the weekend came, I found time to get some things done and give myself some space to revive. By the end of the week I did experience a few simple moments of authentic joy that lifted my spirit and made me feel a bit lighter…in all sense. “Its the little things” bears repeating.
So with that lengthy catch up on how things are going – or not going – for me, let’s take a look back on last week to the things I accomplished and the moments that made me smile (focusing more on my “weekly goals”). Head on over to Meg’s to see what the party is about and join in on the listing.
Off to “To Do List”
Movement, Meditation and Getting Outside
Blog meet Hestia, Hestia meet blog
Rising with the sun
Stretching on the grass in the early morning breeze
The bagels have made a come back.
Music and School
Social and Other
Homemade Socca! So Easy. So Delicious.
Token brother sister shot. To remind you I actually exist.
I think my priority and goal for this next week is to just take it easy. To truly relax. No additional bouts of activity. More just coming home and reading and writing. Maybe even more sleeping? It’s a really hard thing for me to do, and its amazing the amount I can push myself through even when feeling exhausted. But my body is obviously begging me to give it complete and utter rest – even more than I’ve been thinking I’ve been giving it. I will see how I am feeling at the end of next week. Hopefully more revived and recovered. And hopefully my stomach will get in a better mood as well. I’m currently laying here with a heat pad on my belly under my hoody. Not the most attractive look.
If you made it through this post – I thank you. And I thank you for always being an open “ear.”Pushing through a week of lethargy and slowed digestion. Still there are always moments that can… Click To Tweet
What activities help make you feel lighter and give you energy?
What made you smile last week??
My journey with hypothalamic amenorrhea continues. My journey recovering from an eating disorder……